SEGA's ESWAT faces prosecution for violation of police felony code 146a

With a plague of crime haunting Liberty City, it's feeling less free by the day. Time to call in LCPD's experimental new ESWAT (Enhanced Special Weapons and Tactics) squad. What are the chances our cyber-suited heroes were trained by everyone's favourite cyborg, Alex 'RoboCop' Murphy? Regardless, I'm not sure how he'd advise handling the King Kong or tiger bosses encountered in this surreal dystopia. Perhaps beyond his usual remit.

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Alien ant buys the farm

Gremlin's Sonic-squishing hopeful, Zool, was in the '90s to be converted to run in coin-op arcade cabinets destined for seaside towns around the nation. Despite evidence of a prototype appearing on the Bad Influence TV tech show and in several gaming magazines, the finished product ultimately failed to materialise. I track down some of the key developers commissioned to make it happen and investigate why it didn't.

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Now if we make a stand, we'll find our promised land

The gnarly Shadow cast by Psygnosis' infamous Beast of Amiga origin spread far and wide to every conceivable system during the zenith of its beastliness. Peer outside your bedroom window on a sunny day and even now you'll see it creeping up the drainpipe to infiltrate your shiny new PlayStation 9, or whatever the current model is. So, that's one way of suggesting Shadow of the Beast has cultivated quite a substantial legacy over the years since its inception. Other alternatives are available I'm sure.

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I've got the secret, I've got the key to another way

Environmentally speaking, Fire & Ice features two prominent scenarios lodged at either end of the temperature scale, yet also more moderate ecological habitats that sit somewhere in between these two bipolar extremes. Fire and Ice (subtitled The Daring Adventures of Cool Coyote), aside from being climatically jarring for those of us susceptible to chilblains, is a traditional platformer escapade that entails killing meanies to recover the individual components of keys required to make progress.

Adding a soupcon of subtlety to the proceedings, Cool Coyote can encapsulate enemies in an icy straightjacket, subsequent collisions shattering their mini prisons in a manner reminiscent of Bubble Bobble's joyous bubble-trapping function. Tiny puppy followers can be gathered to bolster our ice-powered pellet projectiles. Whilst blindly attempting to track Cool Coyote's route through the territories, they zap enemies in synchrony with their esteemed leader of the pack.

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A page right out of history

Junior, Son of Chuck, demonstrates he's a chip off the old block in the sequel to Core Design's prehistoric platformer, Chuck Rock. As before, it's hard to play without imagining being trapped inside a vintage Flintstones cartoon, except now we're in charge of a nappy-clad, further regressed Bamm-Bamm, wielding a club taller than he is on a quest to save his kidnapped dad from the clutches of the stony-hearted Brick Jagger. It's hardly a chore when the audio-visual presentation is so enticing, exquisitely crafted by esteemed professionals who clearly had their hearts invested in this passion project. Much like living in Bedrock, endless comedic touches keep us amused throughout while we bash and crash our way to a poignant family reunion.

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The sea will grow larger with our fall

For reasons that now escape me, I explain and review the most popular and ubiquitous puzzle game of all time. One that certainly needs no introduction or explanation, Lemmings. Who knows, maybe some aliens who have been living under a distant rock in a galaxy far away will find it interesting.

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Waking up the neighbours

Some games are so ubiquitous they are even familiar to non-gamers; Atari's Paperboy is a prime example. That's why I put off writing about it for so long, assuming there would be nothing remotely fresh to say about the classic, isometric newspaper-delivering sim that - against the odds - took suburbia by storm. I did eventually hit upon something... and it wasn't a stout-looking bulldog or obliviously reversing car. Well, it's different, I ticked that box.

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There's Something About Calamari

Chasing the mass appeal of Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario in the '90s, some game developers devised blatant clones, whilst others assimilated the best elements of each, expanding upon the concepts that make them so engaging. Vectordean's contribution was the lovably ubiquitous James Pond 2: RoboCod. It takes Sonic's foot-blurring velocity, seamlessly blending it with the platforming antics of Mario. What RoboCod delivers over and above homage is his telescopic torso manoeuvre, platform-underside-gripping shimmying, endearing enemies you can't decide whether to pet or kill, charming wit, in large part courtesy of the unrelenting James Bond/RoboCop parodies, nostalgic throwbacks to the inaugural James Pond game that fans of the series will recognise and appreciate, and more artistic variety than Sonic and Mario mushed together. Of course, they all feature fantastic music, finely-tuned, responsive controls and addictive gameplay too.

My enduring affection for RoboCod no doubt contributed greatly to my lack of interest in SEGA and Nintendo consoles at the time. A controversial stance that explains Roger Moore's raised eyebrows. In what must be the most comprehensive article ever written about RoboCod, I explore the abounding reasons our fi5hy friend left such a lasting impression on my psyche and was sufficiently well-regarded to break free from the niche of Amiga gaming to earn a license to gill on almost every game and computer system worth its sea salt.

In a separate article, I discuss with Chris Sorrell - RoboCod's creator - the curious inclusion of Bertie Bassett in the original title and many of its subsequent ports.

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I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper.

Any gamers who lived through the Sonic the Hedgehog era and didn't own a SEGA console will vividly remember their perpetual yearning for an official, authentic port, or failing that, a clone that could match the blue speedball's extreme pace and effortlessly nonchalant attitude. For Amiga owners et al, the closest we ever came to achieving this lofty ideal was prescribed by Gremlin Graphics' Zool; the ninja hailing from the Nth dimension. Note that I didn't for a second allude to the Formicidae family because I wouldn't dream of planting that absurd notion in your minds. He's definitely not an ant of any kind. Bearing any remote similarity to attributes that constitute antness are purely coincidental, so should be relegated to the attic of your brain where you store cobwebs, dead bluebottles and repressed memories of childhood trauma.

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I see a purple door and want it painted red, no purple anymore, I want them to turn red

There won't be many Amiga fans who aren't already familiar with Imagineering's 1991 licensed Simpsons video game, Bart vs. the Space Mutants. It featured amongst the titles included in Commodore's Cartoon Classics Amiga 500 bundle, so for many gamers would have been one of the only three games they owned until the next birthday or Christmas rolled around bearing presents. Its plot and game mechanics patently inspired by John Carpenter's sci-fi horror movie, 'They Live', starring former wrestler, Roddy Piper, I simultaneously wind them through the industrial review machine in the hope that some common ground will emerge.

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Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come

The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy is an appropriate title for the most aesthetically appealing and technically sophisticated entry in the Oliver Twin's exhaustively sweeping franchise. Not a bad place at all then to begin exploring the legacy of the anthropomorphic egghead that captivated so many adventure-hungry gamers back in the '80s and '90s. I lift the lid on its themes, gameplay mechanics and artistry, interview the developers who originally conceived the character, and endeavour to provide an overview of Dizzy's irrepressible oeuvre. Hold the omelette, I'll never make it back in time for breakfast!

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Believe it or not, it's Ripley

Ellen Ripley and a facehugger are the only survivors following an inferno that guts her Colonial Marine spaceship, Sulaco. Ejecting from an escape pod, she crashlands on prison planet Fiorina 'Fury' 161 where she encounters hostility from the deranged inmates and an even less welcome reception upon reuniting with her enduring nemesis, a descendent from the Xenomorph lineage.

In 1992 Probe produced a gaming tie-in for the Amiga, Game Gear, Genesis, and SEGA Master System that ignores the crux of the third movie; that Ripley must face the alien threat unarmed. It's a 2D, side-scrolling shoot 'em up platformer that blends core elements of the franchise in general rather than strictly adhering to the nuances of Alien 3. A solid, albeit insanely difficult, tribute to the source material.

I assess the merits of each, drawing parallels where possible.

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Indiana wants me, Lord, I can't go back there

On the trail of his father, Sean Connery, currently being held hostage by the Nazis, Indy discovers that the key to his rescue is inextricably entwined with a coincidental quest to track down the holy grail.

Tiertex's officially licensed platform game attempts to replicate the most significant scenes from Steven Spielberg's celluloid classic, translating them for almost every home computer and console system on the planet in 1989. I investigate how close they came to snagging the ancient riches and escaping with their sanity, fedoras and lives intact.

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Once upon a time in the west

In Back to the Future III, the final entry in the trilogy, Doc and Marty find themselves in the wild west era of 1885, once again desperately striving to fix the future by meddling with the past.

Trilogies tend to deliver diminishing returns as they run out of steam, and that's definitely the case here. Part III is only 98% perfect and was choked to the rafters with steam, if you know what I mean.

Perfect fodder for gaming adaptation you might imagine given the potential for shootouts, cowboys and Indians, and high-speed train journeys. I investigate to see if Probe Software's playable companion for all the popular computers and consoles in circulation in 1991 honours the revered classic, or tramples it into the dirt under hoof.

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You mean you have to use your hands. That's like a baby's toy!

Back to the Future II will forever be remembered for tricking us into believing that one day we'd be ecstatically flabbergasted to find a hoverboard in our Christmas stocking. That in just 30 years time, cars would fly and everything - no matter how convenient and effortless it already was - would be automated, just for the hell of it.

I examine the fantastic, timeless (hoho!) movie and assess how successfully it was translated to the medium of 8 and 16-bit home computer gaming by Image Works in 1990.

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Just a man and his will to deprive...

...you of 50 of your hard earned dollars, and your sanity if you're not careful. Not even Adriaaaaaaaaaan could save you from this dog's dinner of a game.

In an old Angry Video Game Nerd YouTube review/rant, James covers the Sega Master system boxing game, Rocky. When the left and right d-pad buttons fail to move the Italian Stallion left and right in the ring he consults the game's manual for some sagely advice. It 'elucidates' as follows:-

"To move your player around the ring does not really require any specific buttons for execution. It requires the right situation because your player will be prohibited from moving unless you satisfy these conditions.

If you're on the offence and attacking freely, your player will move according to the direction of your blows and can be guided to the left/right or forward/backward with your D-button.

If you are on the defence, your player will not move in the direction you want until you can guard yourself effectively (Button 1). And then, you must start dealing blows to be in control of your footwork as mentioned above."

I may be a tad late to the party given that James has just celebrated his ten year anniversary, but wow!, that's staggeringly shoddy even for a game of this vintage. I think - in programmer Engrish - that equates to, 'Everything happens randomly. Whatever you do isn't going to achieve much so you may as well mash the buttons as fast as you can and see what happens'.

It kind of reminds me a lot of the Amiga game Dragon's Lair where the game doesn't amount to much more than an interactive cartoon. At least that, however, had the saving grace of it all looking very pretty, and the animation was groundbreaking for the time.

I'm actually quite surprised the programmers responsible for this game's control method didn't encourage you to grit your teeth, squint up your eyes tightly, clasp your hands together and invoke the "Eye of the Tiger" to defeat your opponent. That would have been just as effective... and more fun!

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