Friday, 31 July 2020

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Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more

Boasting gameplay mechanics more addictive than heroin on toast, Rainbow Islands is a strong contender for the best arcade game of all time, ever. As if you needed convincing, I wax lyrical listing all the multifarious reasons nothing else comes close. I hope you've packed your Speedos and a towel; this could take a while!

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An alien that is positively pink

With platform games festering in a quagmire of predictability, in 1994 Data Design Interactive attempted to revive the tired genre by adding a dash of Yoshi's Island-esque nuance. Aside from charming us with sumptuous, console-style aesthetics, Pinkie's task is to gather a harvest of dinosaur eggs strewn across the galaxy to avert their extinction. On foot, he's susceptible to one-hit premature death. Perched atop his upgradeable Pinkie Pod unicycle transporter, however, he's a formidable eco-warrior undaunted by deceptively cute, yet unfathomably angry foes.

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Maid in Yapan

We all know that point and click adventure games live and die by the alluring depth of their narrative. Not so much with Nippon Safes, Inc. Set in Tokyo, Italian developers, Dynabyte, really pushed the boat out to confound expectations chiselled in stone by Lucasarts, rowing it back to shore bursting at the seams with nonsensical dialogue, bizarre protagonists and obscure puzzles. Epitomising quirkiness, with its enticingly caricatured graphics conspiring to keep us gawping in disbelief, Nippon Safes is a rubber-neckers' dream.

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A chipmunk off the old block

Despite the misleading name, Valhalla and the Lord of Infinity is to Viking lore what Viking the stationers is to, erm... well, Viking lore. Plotwise, it revolves around the protagonist's quest to reclaim his rightful title as heir to the Throne of the Kingdom of Infinity. I expect he didn't realise at the time there would be more to it than filling in a couple of bureaucratic, box-ticking forms. Not that he'll encounter anything more riveting, roaming around barren dungeons mumbling into crepuscular nothingness in chipmonkese, praying to bump into the loathly Lords of Infinity whose vocation is to hobble his uninspiring mission. If only they'd give him a piece of their mind and a bloody nose he'd have an inkling he exists as a sentient entity.

Instead, what calves a niche in our grey matter of remembrance is Lord's awkward Prince Charles-channeling trudging stoop of pomposity. That and his quirky propensity to gawp up at the heavens to converse with his master, we the deistic player towering above.


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