Chews flash!

Eye-gougingly garish platformer, Snapperazzi, published by Alternative Software and developed by 'Mental', certainly is, both. Should you and your grey matter momentarily part company, you'll agree to be recruited as a scuzzy snap-hound alien hailing from the Planet Dirk, employed by the cat litter tray liner Sun newspaper. As such your only objective is to deliver at any cost exclusive photos of the superest mega-stars known to gossip column codswallop. Absolutely scandalous! ...in the sense that you were expected to pay £20 for the privilege of being bombarded with ads for Chewits, Domino's Pizza and The Sun news rag.

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Oooh, chimpanzee that!

Bangers & Mash, the game, not the British gastronomical delicacy, is an elementary Rainbow Islands style platformer modelled around the kid's TV show of the same name starring two inquisitive, simian mischief-magnets. Monkey business will ensue.

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Play it Again Herman

Old Nick has unleashed hordes of ghouls, zombies, vampires, and ghosts into The Munsters' mansion and kidnapped Marilyn as punishment for being too nice. Playing sequentially as Herman, Eddie, Grandpa and Lily, we're tasked with deploying our most potent spells to banish them back to the underworld and rescue Marilyn.

Alternative Software's officially licensed TV show accompaniment is a goulash of platforming and airborne, fire-breathing shmupping. The bipedal mansion-mooching segments require little explanation, whereas in the latter our services are engaged taming Spot, the family pet dragon, employed to chaperone the Munster Koach.

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A barnacle on the dinghy of life

In a one or two-player, one-on-one, single-screen beat 'em up tournament, fuelled by hamburgers and spinach, Popeye grapples with a ragtag assemblage of alien opponents to protect his home planet. Popeye 3: WrestleCrazy would be fantastically absurd fun if only it played and controlled better. Predictable is boring, nobody predicted this.

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Things are about to get grizzly, please bear with me

Mute, magician-wannabe bear puppet, Sooty, and his pals, Sweep and Sue, have been sadly underemployed in the gaming world over the years given their longstanding popularity on the old tellybox, spanning many generations of viewers. Mostly they appear in extremely limited educational titles aimed at tiny, ickle whipper-snappers. Not hardcore gamers such as myself who'd rather play as Sooty in an edgy, blood-thirsty action-platformer like the one discussed here courtesy of Alternative Software.

Sweep, it would appear, has carelessly left the door open, allowing a parade of creepy-crawlies to march in, ransacking their home sweet home. It's our task - playing as Sooty or Sweep - to navigate around these living obstacles collecting all the bones. It's not clear why they don't then use these obvious weapons to splat the squatting invaders. Maybe Mr or Mrs plot-writer had a pie in the oven and got distracted. It should be noted that Sue remains underrepresented in the gaming medium, shunted to the sidelines to watch. She'd have, quite rightly, hired a specialist discrimination lawyer if this happened today. Black and white panda lives matter too!

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Let Zygons be Zygons

Clueless non-Whovian attempts the daunting task of making sense of Alternative Software's licensed multi-system Doctor Who platform game, Dalek Attack, published in 1992. Assuming the unenviable role of one of three famous doctors, initially swooping into the breach on a Hoverbout, we're duty-bound to quell the latest Dalek-masterminded invasion of earth with only a sonic screwdriver and grenades for defence.

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