Monday, 12 October 2020

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Games for girls

Traditionally, video gaming was a hobby principally participated in by young boys, which from the viewpoint of capitalist-oriented publishers, left a vast portion of the potential market untapped. In 1984, Case Computer Simulations sought to remedy this by releasing a series of games aimed specifically at girls. To eliminate any shred of doubt, they coined it 'Games for Girls', in the process inciting the wrath of many gaming journalists regardless of their gender. Whether to be politically correct (even back then!) or because they were genuinely offended, many reviewers alleged it was supremely sexist to assume certain games would appeal to the fairer sex due to them being inherently wired differently. Possibly they even relished the self-perpetuating controversy.

It wasn't that the nature of the games in question was insulting, or stereotypically derogatory towards girls in any way. On the contrary, in fact, they emerged from the supposition that girls were less inclined to be motivated by violent tendencies, preferring to employ logical reasoning and negotiation techniques to solve problems rather than brute force bravado. All three titles (two action-adventure games and a show-jumping 'simulator') are driven by intelligence-based quizzes designed to engage the brain, one distinctively from a mathematical perspective. A field in which proficiency is typically associated with boys. Positive discrimination then if any at all; far from the insinuations you might have imagined given the backlash.

'Games for Girls' was intended to be an ongoing series, yet in light of its acrimonious reception, terminated at just three titles. All a bit silly seeing as the games were seemingly released with the best of intentions and selected for the brand rather than being designed from the ground up to compliment proposed interests and aptitudes of girls. Had they been unveiled minus such new-wave headlines, the mediocre games would likely have flown under the radar with little fanfare, before rapidly fading into obscurity. Cynics amongst could claim that the whole episode was a rouse to profit from games so dull they weren't worth the tapes they were recorded on. And who knows, they might be right? Certainly no-one is recording playthroughs of them for YouTube, and it's only myself talking about them. I haven't even offered to identify the titles yet: Hicksted, Diamond Quest and Jungle Adventure. There, fixed.

In the ensuing years, rarely has a publisher made similar inflammatory declarations regarding the envisioned audience of their wares, while today gender engagement more closely approximates equilibrium. Games for girls (without the capital letters) are produced, marketed and retailed now by default, often the epitome of sexism. Far more so than CCS were admonished for supposedly being back in the '80s. What has changed is that they're sold without the superfluous gender banner; no-one needs to be informed that Barbie the computer game, for instance, is aimed at prepubescent girls, it speaks for itself… and also, I'd imagine, features little in the way of educational value.

Without the labels, few sane people campaign against the existence of patently gender-biased computer games today, finally mirroring the general acceptance of toys that have targeted boys or girls for as long as they've existed. Had they too been outlawed, Argos and Toys R Us would have been strung up for segregating their departments or catalogues from day one. Making it all the more curious that computer games were scrutinised under an entirely different rubric, as though held responsible for being the gatekeepers of child-rearing morality.

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Teen reacts to the Amiga 500

I'm not quite sure how old he is actually. He looks like he's in his late teens - certainly too young to have experienced the Amiga when it was current anyway, and that's the point.

The title of Ryan Smith's YouTube, hardware tear-down video, 'Why not to buy an Amiga in 2016', should give you a clue as to his verdict. It's not even a question... with a question mark. Instead one of those statementy things. To be fair to the system, he's bought an "untested, sold-as-seen" bit of vintage tech, and the battered example that arrived hardly does it justice.

Illustration for the purpose of deceptive exaggeration only, this isn't the Amiga in question. Yes, I'm a dirty, rotten scoundrel and was probably a journalist (or politician) in another life.

We interrupt this transmission to inject a dollop of sagaciously cunning retro hardware-purchasing advice...

I find that eBay sellers who describe retro consoles and computers as "untested", tend to fall into one of several categories...

  • They regularly sell this type of hardware, have thoroughly tested it and found it to be completely knackered, but don't want to admit it because it will inevitably slash the final sale price.
  • They honestly don't know what state of functionality it's in because they haven't got the knowledge or equipment to put it through its paces.
  • They know how to check the system, yet don't have the time or inclination to bother. Some people will genuinely be having a loft clear-out and just want to get shut of everything ASAP, or are selling gear on behalf of friends or family so the history of the items is vague. 

One way to help you decide if they're on the level is by checking their sales history, or taking a look at the other items they have on offer to establish whether they're a dealer or not.

...as you were...

Ryan is a network administrator from Sheffield, and while he's clued up about computers in general, he's quite misinformed about the limitations and expandability of the Amiga 500. Also, it's not clear what he'd like to do with it that aren't possible. How can you tell if a system needs upgrading at all if you've never even flicked its power button on before? An unpimped 500 with half a meg of RAM will play hundreds of classic games, and after all, that's the 'meat and potatoes' of this base model, to colloquialise the scenario.

Nevertheless, we all make stupid mistakes and he's clearly got the bug now as he went on to have another dabble with an Amiga 1200, with which he was evidently much more enamoured.

It's certainly refreshing to see someone wanting to learn about the Amiga who appreciates its charm, yet has no nostalgic bias towards the platform. That's rarer than hen's teeth embedded in rocking horse dung... under the light of a blue moon.

Sunday, 11 October 2020

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Kid Reacts to Speedball II for the Amiga

Not an official 'Kids React' video, though probably the closest thing we're likely to see. 14-year-old Brae joins his uncle (at gunpoint by the looks of it) for a violent bout of futuristic, cyberpunk sports-brawling. Thumb-screws firmly in place and tightened, he even expresses some opinions on the game (ish).

Black box health warning: if you suffer from epilepsy or migraine, turn away now!

No doubt there are other attempts at Miggifying the KR concept out there, even if they haven't been specifically labelled as such. What have you stumbled across? Feel free to share them in the comments section below.

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Meet the official Turrican II joystick

Don't be surprised if you've never seen one of these before in the wild; they are extremely rare. Not eBay l@@k l@@k super-mega rare, I mean really-properly rare. They were bundled with copies of Turrican II for the Amiga and Commodore 64, only ever sold in Germany from what I can gather. "Double fun" guaranteed!

Regrettably, the joystick itself isn't actually an exclusive product made for the release. Rather, it's a Commodore-branded model CBM 1399, also known as the 'Challenger' in Germany according to the Amiga Joker magazine in which I saw it featured as part of a joystick review round-up article.

Made in Hong Kong, it boasts "high precision" and is fully micro-switched for durability, much like the Competition Pros and Zipsticks the majority of Amiga gamers favour.

I typed up the German review in Google Translate (and even included the umlauts and Eszett, which I believe equates to 'ss' in English). While mostly what it generated is gibberish, I can decipher a few keywords that make sense. It seems to be suggesting the joystick is challenging by nature as well as by name since it's a real workout for the nerves, shaft motion is loose and inaccurate. It has measly (?) fire buttons and squeegees (I think it means suction cups) and an auto-fire switch.

Germans, feel free to correct me.

The ordinary Commodore-branded version isn't an uncommon sight on eBay. At the time of writing, there are three listed, all located in Italy, hiked up to 'buy it now' prices ranging from £15.43 to £38.69.

Typically, unpopular 9-pin joysticks sell for less than a fiver, to put things in perspective.

On your marks... get set... eBay!

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HUDson Baulk

Writing my bottom 10 list of games featuring criminally gargantuan HUDs, I Googled the heck out of the topic and found naff all. My problem was not knowing the keywords people might use to describe all those ridiculous, screen real estate hijacking gizmos and wotsits. Had I guessed that 'status panels' might be among them, I would have stumbled across this post over on the English Amiga Board and my task would have been a whole lot easier.

Collectively, the wily EABers (EABtonians?) laid this one to rest years ago and unearthed some even more extreme examples than I did, if you can believe that! They even went so far as to calculate the exact measurements in pixels of the area occupied by the dwarfed playfields, allowing them to definitively and scientifically state which games 'take the biscuit' and should be buried at sea, never to be spoken of again. If only I'd thought of that; they put my geek credentials in the shade. If Blogger included the 'I'm not worthy, sink to the knees and worship' smiley, you can be sure it would be inserted here.

After much foraging and boffinesque analysis on their part, the top (or bottom) three are as follows...

3. Gunboat (272x68) - 2. First Person Pinball (152x95) - 1. Skarbnik (144x100)

Special thanks go to 'discomeat' for the adjudication and calculations. It's a shame his spreadsheet has since been lost in 404land.

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Block rockin' beats

Copywriters and marketing gurus are hired because they know precisely how to deliver that killer, witty one-line zinger. The kind that grab you by the jugular, mercilessly manipulating you into parting with your hard-earned cash or signing your life away.

So what went wrong here? (see C&VG issue 152, July 1994, page 63)

You beat your brother.

You beat your brother's friends.

You beat your cousins.

And their friends.

You beat that one guy, Steve, who said he couldn't be beat. (sic - beaten surely?)

And you beat them all bad.

Are you ready to beat the world?

Possibly you were and did because it's looking a bit worse for wear these days. A probing question posed by an advert for the 'Blockbuster World Game Championship' circa 1994, should you be confused. And why wouldn't you be?

If you've ever contemplated getting into the PR field yourself, this should give you hope that anything is possible.

And anyway, who's "that one guy, Steve", and what makes kicking his derriere the benchmark for gaming prowess?

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1080p composite images of entire Amiga game levels

Over at Deviant Art TheGouldFish has been busily creating stunning HD maps of some of the most popular Amiga game classics.

They're constructed by snagging the backdrops using the map ripping tool, Maptapper, and stitching them together with multiple in-game screenshots of the enemies and animated segments to populate the landscapes.

Wow, what an arduous task that must have been! I'm glad he took the trouble though - the results are beautiful!

Tuesday, 6 October 2020

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Is game sales chart data worthless?

Having compiled a multi-format game sales chart database comprising over 10,000 entries I couldn't help noticing a few anomalies. For instance, games appearing in the top-selling lists that were never actually finished or published for the designated system. Judging by the reader's letter and editor's response below as printed in Zero magazine in the '90s, the reason could be that the data is entirely fabricated based on educated guesswork.

Zero's Virgins

Investigative journo paragraph: in your October 1990 issue (in the shops September 1990) Zero reviewed Wonderland, quoting a release date of October 1990. In the December issue, in the shops in November, what game had rocketed into the charts at number 2? You guessed it - Wonderland. It's funny though because Wonderland wasn't even available in the Virgin Megastore shop until well into December. It's even more peculiar when you bear in mind that the chart would have had to get to you well in advance of the publication date presumably sometime towards the end of October. It becomes worrying when you remember that Virgin produce both the game and the chart. Nothing like a free bit of plugging, is there? Even if the game isn't in existence at the time.

Consumer's Complaint paragraph: 4-D Boxing was given a release date of November - it's still not in the shops. Escape From The Planet Of The Robot Monsters was due out on the PC last May according to Domark. There's no sign of it ten months later - where is it? Why don't software companies give realistic release dates?

Joseph Coulson, Hither Green, London.

Journalistic cliche paragraph: information correct at the time of going to press. Companies tell us their release plans but these can be changed for a number of reasons (see Brian's letter for anexample).

As you point out, we receive our chart well in advance of publication date. Consequently, if we printed a sales chart it'd be well out of date by the time the mag was on sale. Therefore Virgin Megastore compile a Shipping Chart for us which measures the orders the shop is placing based on past and anticipated sales. Ed.

I spent a while plugging search terms for games known to be unfinished into my database to see if I could uncover any suspicious entries. Putty Squad for the Amiga would have to be the most glaringly dodgy example; in the January 1995 issue of Amiga Power it can be spotted in the CD32 chart at number 3. This was released for the SNES in 1994, yet not for any of the Amiga systems until late 2013 thanks to Galahad's dedicated collaboration with System 3.

Elsewhere, you might like to examine entry number 3 in the Mega Drive chart published by Computer & Video Games in June 1991. First-person shoot 'em up, Monster Hunter - intended to be one of the first Mega Drive games to employ SEGA's Menacer light gun - was originally expected to be available in time for Christmas 1993, however, failed to materialise.

Being listed in a best-selling games chart over two years earlier, possibly long before the design was even conceived, seems implausible so I suspect someone had their wires crossed. But how? Which game were Gallup referring to? English Amiga Board member, LongLifeA1200, suggested Japanese import "Mamono (Demon/Monster) Hunter" when I raised the issue there, reasoning that another import, Gynoug, features at number two.

Shifting down a gear to the Commodore 64, Nigel Mansell's Grand Prix was never released for the trusty beige bread bin, yet somehow it appears in the chart at number 20 in the January 1990 issue of C&VG and again at number 15 the following month. They even offer a review score of 71%, further confounding the disjointed discombobulation.

None of the versions that were released scored 71% so that's not the explanation. So what is? Gallup guessed the position at which the game would appear in the charts while C&VG predicted what score they'd award assuming the game was at some point finished?
Anything's possible given the number of errors evident in charts printed by C&VG. Missing platform citations (entire charts left unlabelled, sometimes three in a single issue making process of elimination impractical), duplicate entries in the same top 10, vague titles that could refer to multiple different games e.g. just 'Batman' and so on. It's difficult to determine how many of these problems emanated from Gallup's data collection and reporting techniques, or alternatively, which C&VG were responsible for.

What's crystal clear is that the charts aren't to be trusted unequivocally and my entire database should be scrutinized with a large sackful of salt. And yet those not provided by retailers themselves (Virgin, Woolworths, HMV etc.) are the only independent measure we have available with which to judge the commercial success of game releases.

Have you spotted any entries that set alarm bells ringing and deserve to be glared at with squinty-eyed scepticism? Feel free to share them below.

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Don't read this

Something that's always baffled me is why people deliberately seek out movie, game or whatever spoilers and then blame the person responsible for the inevitable spoiling having revealed key details of the plot or solution. An all too common occurrence sadly, yet the letter below written to Zero magazine is in another league. I've never known someone to completely wash their hands of a product in protest at having ruined the experience for themselves. Biscuit taken. No crumbs.

Angry from Wiltshire

As a reader of your magazine since the first issue, it's hard for me to believe that Zero could do such a mean and irresponsible thing. I refer, of course, to Crystal Tips in the March issue. Long before Horrorsoft went under I ordered a copy of Elvira, so imagine my surprise to find a complete solution published over a week before the game was eventually released on the ST. My order has now been cancelled and, according to my dealer, so have a lot of others. Everyone makes a big issue out of pirated games, but this sort of thing does nothing to deter it and helps software houses to lose money, when a lot of people like myself would have bought it. I'm in favour of hints and tips after a game has been around for a while, but feel this was a bit over the top. Accolade has been informed of my views and I look forward to hearing what they think about this.

D. Clifford, Swindon, Wiltshire.

Honestly, some people. As I've said a million times before... "You don't have to look, do you?" Have you no willpower? When you were five and something scary happened on Doctor Who, did you sit there and take it all in? No, of course you didn't, you hid behind the sofa and came out when it was finished! So do the same with cheats - pretend they're not there. And if you really don't think you can stop yourself peeking, you can always rip out the offending pages and burn them. (And then send in for a back issue once you do get stuck). Ed.

Zero issue 20 (June 1991)

D. Clifford is the sole reason we have to endure so many pointless spoiler warnings prior to engaging with written, audio or video presentations of games, TV shows, novels, plays, movies and so on. It's also your fault plenty of people attempt to review media without touching upon any spoilers at all for fear of offending some delicate flower who can't grasp the concept of ex post facto analysis. Surely a review without spoilers is a trailer? We already have a word for that and it's not review, it's trailer.

And what's piracy got to do with publishing gaming hints and tips? Elvira is less worthy of a genuine, real-money purchase because a guide for it exists? May as well get the dodgy copy then and save a few quid. Horrorsoft brought it on themselves after all by not casting a hex upon Zero to prevent them from discussing the game outside of their review.

If you sneaked a peek at this post prior to thoroughly digesting your June 1991 copy of Zero and it's diminished your enjoyment of said publication in any way, I'm not remotely sorry. You were forewarned. Ah, oh, umm…

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I'm afraid of no toast

If you don't currently suffer from any irrational fears, you may well develop some new entirely logical ones after playing Tony Crowther's Phobia, a uniquely stylised, claustrophobic headmasher of a shmup that will pilfer your precious sleep and haunt your waking dreams. Psychotherapy not included!

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Monday, 5 October 2020

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Every Slimer has his day

Of course you've always wanted to be a vile, mucous-dribbling slug entrusted with rearing a brood of mini-mes. Crawl the walls, trap grubs in bubbles and feed them to your clan to keep them nourished, exuding a basking glow of green-blooded vitality. You win, you've got the job, congratulations. I've already switched your name to Steg the Slug and informed the social security office.

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There's no going back

If you're a firm believer in the old axiom of pooch as man's best friend and all copies of Sleepwalker, Fire and Ice and Scooby and Scrappy-Doo are completely sold out with no hope of a second dispatch, Doofus may well be the Amiga platform game for you. Protagonist Tim's pet - the eponymous Doofus - is utterly useless and the game, in general, doesn't fare much better. It's bland, uneventful, unoriginal and virtually plotless. Still, erm... check out my fantastic review! It'll make you look at half-decent platformers with a fresh, reinvigorated appreciation.

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Sunday, 4 October 2020

Transformers - Amiga games in disguise

Meet Thexder, a jet-fighter-mecha-morphing robot from the land of the rising sun, available for every known platform under it. It's one of the earliest run 'n' gun platformers, hence the primitive graphics and sound. Look beyond this and a deviously clever, rapid-fire action experience awaits. One that inspired many better-known, much-revered examples from the genre such as Turrican, Metal Slug and Contra.

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Saturday, 3 October 2020

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Remember the time when Saddam Hussein wrote in to Amiga Action magazine seeking flight sim advice?

Madman

I am having some trouble with the 68000-based F-18A laser targeting and bomb guidance system currently being used in the Persian Gulf. As I know you are all incredibly computer-knowledgeable on Amiga Action, I have decided to write to you for help. Peace.

S. Hussein, Baghdad

What you need to do is gain control of your airspace again and use a phased-array wide spectrum laser jammer as a backup defence. You'll be able to find one at the March 19th Arms Fair in Syria, stall 13, for approximately £150,000,000. Alternatively, use a mirror.

Saddam writes…

Thanks for the advice on the Wide Spectrum Laser Jammer you recommended I buy in the last issue. The ruddy thing didn't work, did it, and the insurance won't cover it. I won't be reading your magazine again.

S. Hussein, Peking.

Sorry about that. I've been in touch with our contact in Damascus and he's promised a full refund. Trouble is, he's having difficulty in contacting you. Ah well…

Well, I thought it was worth revisiting. I wonder what happened to Mr Hussein. He was all over the press at one time, then all of a sudden, nothing. Very odd.

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PD: public domain or pure drivel?

Back in the '90s we had legitimately free software as we do now, only it was known as 'public domain' because the authors permitted modification and distribution of their work as long as it was carried out on a not-for-profit basis. As there was a tendency for PD software to emerge from the brains and bedrooms of single, amateur coders, diplomatically speaking, it was assumed by many to be inferior to retail software. Others - who often couldn't afford the latter - considered it a computing lifeline. A virtuous and legal way to obtain free games and utilities. Analogously, this debate played out in the letters pages of computer magazines. Amiga Action for instance…

PD or not to be

I have always read your letters page with great interest and your replies are usually very honest, bringing up important issues. However, a letter I read recently disgusted me. How on Earth could you say that all PD games are crap? You obviously haven't played stuff like Drip, Quick and Silver, Zeus and Obliteration. Those and many others are a lot better than many full price titles. Besides, I cannot afford to spend £25 or even £8 every time I want a new game. Without PD games I would be driven to piracy and that's the last thing I want.

Johann Hari, Edgware

I certainly don't recall such comments and neither does anybody else. We may have put down a few individual titles, but our opinion on many PD games is just as high as that of anyone else. In fact, if the demand is big enough, we hope to put a few more PD titles on our coverdisks in the coming months. Your thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Amiga Action (August 1992)

Hmm, not in so many words perhaps, but you sort of did deride the entire creative genre in a response to another reader's letter on the same subject.

Get on your bike

Being on the dole, I find it hard to keep up with increasing game prices. Therefore. I've often relied on Public Domain Software. I used to consult your PD guide, but it's now disappeared. Do you intend to bring back this feature or should I look elsewhere for such reviews?

Alan Stevens, Birkenhead

The quality of PD isn't very high, so we've decided to concentrate on budget titles instead: an area of the market which is expanding rapidly. We will, however, be covering PD software from time to time.

Send your letters to: Peter Lee, Talkback, Amiga Action, Europress Interactive Ltd., Europa House, Adlington Park, Adlington, Macclesfield, SK10 4NP.

Amiga Action (May 1992)

As with most polemic stances, the truth tends to lie somewhere in the middle. PD software is awful, mediocre, good or fantastic dependant on the particular specimen under scrutiny and the authors involved. This applies equally to retail software, except - given the price tag - it carries a harsher sting in the tail should you find that it's not fit for purpose.

What's your opinion? Did PD software deserve its coverage in mainstream computer magazines? Which titles posed a threat to the major high street name publishers?

Friday, 2 October 2020

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Walking alone? Never!

I can't decide if G Bucknell should be awarded the Amiga Action letter-writing Muppet of the year award, or if he/she had ingeniously managed to hudwink the recipient into believing they're completely backwards just for a lark. Either way, I had to share this tasty morsel of nostalgic nonsense from the long lost world of dead tree publishing.

Liver-fool

I am writing to complain about last month's Liverpool coverdisk which I found desperately disappointing. The computer opposition were terrible and I beat them on every occasion I played the game. After playing this demo for a couple of hours, I cannot see myself purchasing the finished product.

G Buckell, Harley

You complete and utter fool. If you'd taken the time to read our informative coverdisk pages, you might have discovered that the Liverpool demo is for two players only. You've been playing absolutely nobody so no wonder you kept winning.

Amiga Action (August 1992)

Although Amiga Action rated Liverpool the most favourably of the UK-based magazines (45 - 81%), it's far from the most accomplished football simulator for the Amiga, so the writer would have been wise to invest in something else. Such as the legendary Sensible Soccer or one of the Kick Off series.

According to Grandslam's Paul Chamberlain, Liverpool "is the first game of the type where you can properly do an overhead bicycle-kick volley" (Amiga Power, June 92, page 62). So, that's a jolly cool claim to fame if accurate. If not, blame him, not me.

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Big Bang games development

Reading through the letters pages of C&VG I stumbled across an interesting perspective on the development of video games as expounded by an unashamed pirate attempting to justify the money-saving rouse.

Thomas compares the cost of a pirated disk to that of a legitimate retail package and questions why the gap should be so wide given that the only difference is a properly printed disk, cardboard box and a manual.

I expect he's basing his financial analysis on the lesser-known spontaneous game generation model of publishing whereby with a click of the greedy fat-cat company's claws, immaculately finessed, complete games miraculously appear in their grubby paws, ready to be stuffed in an oversized box and shipped off to WH Smiths for sale at an inflated premium.

Thomas either purchased his economics degree from one of those online certificate-forging outfits, or he was ten years old at the time and still believed in magic. Although, not if he's the same Thomas Sharkey of Glasgow who was murdered along with his son and daughter in an arson attack in 2011, aged 55. There's a cheery take-away epigram to set you up for the day. My pleasure.

Piracy revisited

Dear YOB,

If people who sell pirate games are criminals then what are the people who make and sell originals? They sell a disk in a big box full of useless pictures and stuff and charge twenty-five pounds for it. Tell me how much it would cost for an original to be made. My guess is about 3. That's a profit of around 22. If this isn't criminal, what is? If you buy a pirate game and don't like it, you have only wasted a few pounds. Whereas if you buy the original and don't like it, you have wasted over twenty quid. I think a lot more original games would be sold if the totally idiotic price tag was cut. I don't see why a disk should cost nearly double the price of a tape and I don't see why they expect people to buy originals instead of paying an eighth of the price and getting a pirate.

Thomas Sharkey, Glasgow

YOB: I've had to listen to some pea-brained numb-skulls in my time, but this takes the chocolate Hob-Nobs. Answer me this simple question, poo-for-sense: if everybody bought pirate games and no-one bought originals, who would make the originals that are being pirated? I'll tell you who - no-one. So there'd be no games at all. And that's why your argument is dead before it even comes to life.

Computer and Video Games (issue 114, May 1991)

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The all-time greatest Amiga Power reader's letters ever!

My friends agree with me

Dear AP

I have been reading your magazines since they first came out. But I would like to share a few ideas. I have noticed in some other magazines they have had a page with drawings of say Soinc (sic) punching Mairo (sic) in the face. I find this quite funny and good fun to read and my friends agree with me so could you please think about it.

Yours sincerely, Tim Wood, Uckfield

Consider it thought about

I remember such fan art pictures doing the rounds in the early '90s, though reading Amiga magazines you'd be more likely to see Zool abusing Sonic or Gomez taking a swipe at Mario. That said, I'd much rather witness Mario and Sonic synchronise magic bullet volleys, assassinating one another simultaneously so we never have to endure either of the overhyped pixel-pestering stooges ever again. If there's a compassionate god up there, surely it would have happened by now? Even today the interwebs are full of illustrated sparring matches between the irksome mascots, so apparently, the sentiment has never faded.

▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂

Elsewhere in the 'And another thing' column...

I own one of every issue of AP and two copies of issue eight. As a reward for my loyalty, can you print the letter 'D' on the spine of the next issue so I can spell 'MIAOW I AM A GRAPE GOD' on my bookshelf?

Yours sincerely, Ben Twitchen, Southend-On-Sea

We'll think about it.

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable request to me. It not being granted must have been an oversight.

Thursday, 1 October 2020

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The collected works of moi

For reasons that now escape me, I once believed it would be a sensible idea to create humongous PDF compilations of all my articles, complete with 637 gazillion pictures. The largest of these megabooks filled several thousand pages, occupying well over a gigabyte of data. Problem is, they were totally layout-locked rather than reflowable as is the modern way, so absolutely painful to read on mobile devices, aside from being a nightmare to update and recompile.

I spent so long designing covers and writing the foreword introductions for these unwieldy doorstops, I thought it would be a shame to bin the 'wrappers' sandwiching them now I've individually split out all the contents into more flexible epub format ebooks. I hereby present a mini-loaf of bread slices minus the meat filling. Perfect for those of you who salivate over the prospect of carb-heavy trailers without watching the full bake-off. You could say it's a few sarnies short of a picnic. You could even descend further into inane gibberish by quoting Yogi bear, only this is wibbly enough and needs to end. Here. Now.

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Remember when reading magazines made time-travellers of us all?

Why were Amiga magazine publishers (and magazine publishers in general) incapable of printing the current/correct publication date on their issues? I explore the contentious controversy with a bit of help from a bemused former Amiga Action reader.

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