Friday, 31 July 2020

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Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more

Boasting gameplay mechanics more addictive than heroin on toast, Rainbow Islands is a strong contender for the best arcade game of all time, ever. As if you needed convincing, I wax lyrical listing all the multifarious reasons nothing else comes close. I hope you've packed your Speedos and a towel; this could take a while!

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An alien that is positively pink

With platform games festering in a quagmire of predictability, in 1994 Data Design Interactive attempted to revive the tired genre by adding a dash of Yoshi's Island-esque nuance. Aside from charming us with sumptuous, console-style aesthetics, Pinkie's task is to gather a harvest of dinosaur eggs strewn across the galaxy to avert their extinction. On foot, he's susceptible to one-hit premature death. Perched atop his upgradeable Pinkie Pod unicycle transporter, however, he's a formidable eco-warrior undaunted by deceptively cute, yet unfathomably angry foes.

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Maid in Yapan

We all know that point and click adventure games live and die by the alluring depth of their narrative. Not so much with Nippon Safes, Inc. Set in Tokyo, Italian developers, Dynabyte, really pushed the boat out to confound expectations chiselled in stone by Lucasarts, rowing it back to shore bursting at the seams with nonsensical dialogue, bizarre protagonists and obscure puzzles. Epitomising quirkiness, with its enticingly caricatured graphics conspiring to keep us gawping in disbelief, Nippon Safes is a rubber-neckers' dream.

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A chipmunk off the old block

Despite the misleading name, Valhalla and the Lord of Infinity is to Viking lore what Viking the stationers is to, erm... well, Viking lore. Plotwise, it revolves around the protagonist's quest to reclaim his rightful title as heir to the Throne of the Kingdom of Infinity. I expect he didn't realise at the time there would be more to it than filling in a couple of bureaucratic, box-ticking forms. Not that he'll encounter anything more riveting, roaming around barren dungeons mumbling into crepuscular nothingness in chipmonkese, praying to bump into the loathly Lords of Infinity whose vocation is to hobble his uninspiring mission. If only they'd give him a piece of their mind and a bloody nose he'd have an inkling he exists as a sentient entity.

Instead, what calves a niche in our grey matter of remembrance is Lord's awkward Prince Charles-channeling trudging stoop of pomposity. That and his quirky propensity to gawp up at the heavens to converse with his master, we the deistic player towering above.


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Like a phoenix from the Escom inferno

With ten training missions under our belt, we're fast-tracked to UN fighter pilot status, coaxed into covert action by the promise of several snazzy supersonic toys and the rare opportunity to spread peace and joy to the world's mankiest cesspits. In Digital Image Design's ambitious TFX (Tactical Fighter eXperiment) flight simulator, a Lockheed F-117 Stealth Fighter, Eurofighter 2000 or Lockheed F-22 are at our disposal, rammed to the rafters with state of the art, air to air artillery. We're primed for lift-off, but has our creaky old Amiga got the requisite gumption to ignite our dreams?

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Soldier of Misfortune

Pick an alien-infested planet, annihilate every last critter that dares to breathe in your vicinity, jet off to the next, rinse and repeat. As a crack stormtrooper of the Federation (or Soldier of Light if you prefer) you'll casually take the Empire's feeble assaults in your exoskeleton-enhanced stride. If anyone tracks you down following retirement from active duty, just change your name to Xain'd Sleena and shrug in befuddlement.

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Chaos is more than a theory

And Chaos Engine is more than a shiny, polished Gauntlet clone garnished with a steampunk makeover. The Bitmap Brothers' run-and-gun overhead shooter is as intrinsically entwined with the Amiga's gaming legacy as any other venerated title you care to mention. It demands no further introduction... or review, but here's one of each regardless.

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Advice to live by - Kill the babies!

A malicious alien race has descended on earth determined to reduce the entire planet to rubble. Little is known about the whereabouts of their covert Caribbean base of operations beyond the vague suspicion that it's located in an underwater lair somewhere within the lost city of Atlantis. Stepping into the breach as the eponymous Aquanaut, the future of humanity rests on our flippers! Accordingly, our crusade to eliminate the threat begins below sea level bedecked in SCUBA gear, armed with a harpoon. Survive a vicious tirade of unprovoked attacks from inhospitable sealife long enough to reach terra firma and the battle switches up a notch, inviting us to engage with the freakshow eye to eye.

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World's most mundane plot discovered inside Snoopy game!

Linus has misplaced his comfort blanket. Can the no. 1 super-sleuthing Beagle, Snoopy, save the day? I'm not selling this to you, am I? Contrary to first impressions, it's actually a competently constructed, very nicely illustrated/animated, endearing adventure game aimed at a younger audience.

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G.I.s and dolls

In 1991 Rogue Trooper, the haunted-bio-chip-assisted genetic infantryman of 2000 AD comic book fame, became the aforementioned starring protagonist of his own Amiga and Atari ST game courtesy of Krisalis. It's an infuriatingly difficult blend of traditional platforming and first-person perspective flying levels reminiscent of Space Harrier. Reaching the end of the much more interesting platforming stages to capture footage for the video version of this article nearly sent me to an early grave. My reward was progression to the seemingly endless and goalless airborne shoot 'em up segment. With absolutely no indication offered regarding the correct route to successfully completing the task, I gave up, feeling so disillusioned I literally-metaphorically turned blue to match Rogue.

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A complete and utter screw-up

I was quite fond of the diminutive, perfectly sculpted Amiga 600 I owned as a kid in the early '90s, yet realise this wasn't a universally held view. I trace the history of the beautifully misguided system, the next in line to the far more popular Amiga 500, examining its critical reception amongst industry insiders at the time of release.

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A snowball's chance in hell

Snow Bros is Toaplan's lesser-known attempt to recreate the addictive two-player magic of Taito's iconic arcade classic, Bubble Bobble. Analogously, it's a single-screen, arcade-platforming coin-guzzler that pits us against the almighty malevolence of the razer-toothed King Scorch who - swept up in his supreme, feral nastiness - has pounced upon the wintery wonderland inhabited by Nick and Tom to kidnap their respective princessy other halves.

Armed with an infinite supply of snowballs, the shell-shocked duo are driven to plough through monster-infested platform levels to reach the orchestrator of their angst in a desperate effort to free his distraught captives. Repeatedly bombarding enemies with chilly, crystalised projectiles results in their frozen envelopment in a giant snowball, which can subsequently be kicked or shoved into other opponents to destroy them. Flung snowballs ricochet off scenery, following the path of least resistance through platform mazes until departing the screen. Once the current configuration is clear of patrolling firebreathing imps and devilishly-horned thugs we're whisked away to the next area to deal with our ongoing deja vu dilemma.

Snow Bros is notorious in Amiga circles for being another Ocean France arcade port that failed to materialise in the nighties in line with its projected release schedule. It eventually emerged finished and highly playable in 2006, albeit sadly lacking the arcade original's two-player co-op mode.

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u-nye-loo-lay-doo

Demon Blue is what happens when you accidentally leave a gnarly hell's angel lying around in a telepod whilst teleporting an electronic pet Furby toy. Emerging dazed and confused I expect you'll want to "unlock the mysteries of an ancient fantasy world". You may as well now you're here.

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Send in the clowns

Couriering is far more fun if you do it dressed as a goofy circus clown, scooting between gigs balancing precariously on rollerskates. A statement that has stood me in good stead over the years, ever since discovering Starbytes' Rolling Ronny delivery boy simulator in 1991. Honking in the face of inertia, Ronny is the star of his own urban, errand-running platforming adventure, his only humble ambition the desire to earn enough money to buy a bus ticket to Somewhereelseville. There in the promised land, no doubt the residents paint their grass greener and pave the paths with Tefal-coated, smooth tarmac.

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Thursday, 30 July 2020

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Now if we make a stand, we'll find our promised land

The gnarly Shadow cast by Psygnosis' infamous Beast of Amiga origin spread far and wide to every conceivable system during the zenith of its beastliness. Peer outside your bedroom window on a sunny day and even now you'll see it creeping up the drainpipe to infiltrate your shiny new PlayStation 9, or whatever the current model is. So, that's one way of suggesting Shadow of the Beast has cultivated quite a substantial legacy over the years since its inception. Other alternatives are available I'm sure.

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Dystopian blancmange

Jonathan 'Jungle' Rogers isn't a huge fan of nuclear radiation fallout, which is unfortunate since the dreaded apocalypse has transpired on his doorstep, making itself comfortably at home in Manhattan circa 2019. Asking it politely to leave has failed miserably so it's time for Plan B; race across the derelict city, dodging/slaughtering rabid dogs and psychopathic escapees from Mad Max's Wasteland to reach the relative sanctuary of the borough's outer colonies.

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Who cares what picture we see?

Premiere has to be the ultimate movie license game in history in that it's a homage to all the movies encapsulated within six of Hollywood's major genres. Rather impressively, The 8th Day accomplished this feat without paying a penny in royalties to a single studio. Genius!

Cast as a distraught movie editing assistant, we're culpable for the safe return of six stolen film reels. Tirelessly tracking the hijacked canisters obliges our hero to ransack six distinct scenarios themed around horror, wild west, sci-fi, Egyptian, animated and classic black and white movies. Fail to recover this purloined paraphernalia in time for the movie Premiere and Grumbling Studios will go bust with our career prematurely cut short.

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I want your nappy, your booties, and your tricycle

Just lately baby Nathan has been playing Lemmings a wee bit more than is advisable for his health. Despite the 'do not try this at home' warning label, the precocious Brat (TM) is determined to toddle over the precipice of his isometric, levitating playfield in honour of his lolloping, mop-haired, dopey heroes. Because there's no Dirt Devil for eradicating ground-in baby-splatter, we may as well have a dabble at keeping him on track and therefore alive and wailing. This we achieve by laying behaviour-modifying icons in Nathan's crawlspace to steer him to safety or otherwise encourage evasive action.

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Duck season, wabbit reason

Being a community-spirited anthropomorphic samurai duck, landlocked in an Amiga-based platform game, naturally, the onus is on us to Donk!, sword-swish and Taz-spin our way through 112 eggtraordinarily zany levels gathering an endless stream of crystals to protect earth's precious atmosphere from the villainous Eider Down. It goes without saying really.

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You can take the cat out of the alley

A wealthy old lady bequeaths her fortune to Benny the Ball in the absence of Amy, the true heir to her luxurious Beverly Hills estate. What better excuse for Top Cat and crew to descend on her posh mansion to live the high life at Madam Van Der Gelt's expense? With Snerdly the butler next in line to inherit her fortune, we're honour-bound to protect Benny from premature expiry, then locate Amy before a financial miscarriage of justice prevails.

What this cartoon-inspired prelude amounts to is a top-down explore-a-thon embellished with simple puzzle-solving elements. These are geared towards corralling our posse, cleaning up the streets of carelessly strewn litter and distracting Crusher long enough to shimmy around the bothersome, bullying bulldog en route to rescuing Benny.

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It's going to be one of those days

Give My Regards to Broad Street. That's not a personal request from me, it's the name of Paul McCartney's musical drama megaflop movie named after a defunct London railway station. Released in 1984 to an underwhelmed frog chorus, written, sung and acted by Paul McCartney as himself, it revolves around a fictional day in the life of none other than Paul McCartney. If you think I'm making this up as I go along, you also won't believe me when I claim that an accompanying, officially licensed video game was published in 1985 for the Commodore 64 and ZX Spectrum. Assuming I'm not dreaming this, it's a top-down driving simulator in which we - assuming the role of former Beatle and pop superstar, Paul McCartney - are tasked with rounding up seven band members in order to re-record the headlining single from their latest (unreleased) album. Following the events of the movie, Paul's misplaced master tapes are recovered, all except for 'No More Lonely Nights', which explains the desperate rush to return to Abbey Road Studios before the deadline set by our financial backer expires.

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Win the trip of a lifetime to the Land of the Aztecs, Mexico

Former special forces commander, Bret Conrad - Gold of the Aztecs' starring protagonist - is, in essence, Indiana Jones without the official license. One day he serendipitously (?) stumbles across an ancient map to a stash of gold buried deep within the lost city of Quetzacotl. Just a thousand or so little snags stand in the way of recovering this priceless treasure/jetting off into the sunset to live a life of luxury and self-indulgence - all those Temple of Doom-inspired, bone-crunching traps!

Proof of game completion was to be rewarded with an all-expenses-paid holiday courtesy of US Gold, which likely explains why Gold of the Aztec's trademark is an insanely preposterous difficultly curve. I finally beat it following several hours of face-palming/hair-pulling and only then by cheating every save state step of the way. You'll find longplay evidence as well as a video presentation of this article on my YouTube channel.


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Never believe it's not so

If you can imagine taking the top-down, vertically scrolling shooter, Commando, and replacing protagonist soldier, Super Joe, with a giggling schoolboy on an implausible pilgrimage to become the supreme magician, you may well have attended the same board room meeting at Infogrames that led to the development of 'Mystical'. Replace the marauding waves of Nazi foes with bizarre monsters, monks and Ents, and Super Joe's assault rifle and grenades with lightning bolts and occult spells, and you'd be halfway towards floating down a dragon-infested swamp on a pentagram-shaped raft in search of Moses. Who will be waiting to greet you with a sack of weaponised cherubs.

Our goal, embodying the wizard-wannabe is to recover all the accidentally scattered phials/scrolls and return them to the grandmaster magician's temple. What remains of them anyway, given that they serve as a substitute for live ammunition.

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Revisiting Dennis with former Ocean artist, John Lomax

To investigate if there is any truth to the rumour that Ocean's Dennis the Menace Amiga/SNES licensed platformer was deliberately sabotaged to cover up its unfinished status, I contacted one of the artists who worked on it. With that myth neatly dispelled, we discussed his contribution to the game and its critical reception amongst gamers and journalists.

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If Pinocchio reviewed Amiga games

I explore the capricious relationship between games magazines, their staff critics and the games publishers who supply them with review copies of their creations. Does relying on games publishers for advertising revenue account for some of the unfeasibly positive reviews printed in supposedly impartial magazines? Which, if any of them, could you trust to tell you the truth during the Amiga's heyday?

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Shambo

Rambo's problem is that he takes all that survival-affiliated death-dealing murder and mayhem merriment far too seriously. Luckily, in 1990 PAL Developments waded in to show Sly the error of his misguided ways, injecting a vital touch of humour to all those Commando-style junkets to far-flung regions of the world in desperate need of obliteration and human limb dissemination. In Blazing Thunder, our rectified Rambo channels the nearest Ikari Warrior to engage a barrage of bazooka-wielding Zimmerad rebels, enormous Panzers and whirlygigs and, and, wait for it, a really unfriendly satellite dish with a shifty glint in its eye!

Once our dainty tootsies grow weary it's possible to hop aboard a one-man tank army to continue treading the malevolent menaces into submission. If you're going to embark on a treacherous mission to wipe the scourge of depravity off the face of the planet, why not do it with a smile and a spritely spring in your step? It takes more muscles to frown, don't you know.

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Raven hair and ruby lips, sparks fly from her finger tips

In the same year in which Titus the Fox jaunted to Marrakech and back, Titus France also conjured up Super Cauldron to empower would-be wand wavers of the magical persuasion. It shares a similar cutesy, platforming approach, only now stars a friendly witch by the name of Zmira whose duty it is to rid her infested home forest habitat of a demon's curse by recovering her necromancy nouse, obliterating ghouls, gargoyles, bats, bouncing pumpkins and other assorted bewitched nasties. Only it expect it to set the world ablaze if you've put the wrong batteries in your theurgic swizzle stick.

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The mane event

It would be tricky to assert from a gameplay perspective that the cutesy zoological Amiga platformer, Brian the Lion, was the king of the genre's jungle. While it does nothing to advance the field's tired tropes, every wheel Brian reinvents is without doubt stunningly beautiful, and technically dazzling. Designed by the same outfit who brought us the visually sublime Shadow of the Beast, you might assume this would be the case, except the only member of the team to share credits across the two projects is producer, Martin Edmondson. Regardless, Brian the Lion oozes that intangibly elusive console-esque feel-good factor sorely absent from most of the competition. It's the goofily endearing facial expressions and affectionate humorous touches that tip the balance towards amiable benevolence. In the cold, hard light of impartial day, it shouldn't be enough. Yet is purr-fectly roar-some.

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Wednesday, 29 July 2020

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Come on twist again, twistin' time is here

While money can't buy you love, you'll discover that it's extremely handy should you find yourself mooching around one of Blood Money's munition emporiums in the market for helicopter/submarine/spaceship/jetpack enhancements. First there was Menace, now DMA Design offer us the chance to indulge our penchant for wanton capitalism in this hard-as-nails vertically/horizontally scrolling shmup, culminating in one of the Amiga's most memorably disappointing, twisty finale sequences.

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Crimes of fashion

Should you be in the mood for blowing criminal scumbags to smithereens with guns aptly formidable to bring down three T-rexes lined up like a bullet-sponge depth-penetration experiment, yet can't bear to insert that blood-soaked copy of Narc in your fragile floppy drive, you might instead like to ride the Crime Wave courtesy of Access Software. It's a shameless clone of Williams' notoriously violent, drug-busting, dog-mauling, prostitute-maiming, side-scrolling platform-shooter coin-op, except... well... what it contributes over and above Narc is... erm. I'll sleep on it and get back to you.

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A life on Ocean's waves with Gary Bracey

I've been reading and writing about Ocean Software's erstwhile games development director, Gary Bracey, with great admiration since the '80s, so when he agreed to a Q&A session it was quite a surreal moment to put it lightly. That probably explains why I ended up asking an approximation of the most obvious question in the history of game development questions; which is your favourite of the games you helped to deliver? *Groan* I hope I managed to compensate elsewhere.

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When Jetsons attack! The game that sunk its publisher.

I investigate the direct connection between MicroIllusions publishing their graphical adventure game, George Jetson and the Legend of Robotopia, inspired by Hanna-Barbera's 1962 Jetsons cartoon, and shortly afterwards filing for bankruptcy.

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What became of New Star Electronics?

China, as a nation, being relegated to the doghouse is nothing new. One Chinese company, in particular, was partially responsible for the failed rescue buy-out of Commodore; the revered vintage computer brand responsible for the groundbreaking Commodore 64 and Amiga home micros. Rescinding their proposed $25m investment in 1994, for all intents and purposes, sounded the death knell for the current Amiga models and any new technology in the works.

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Hide and seek sub-gaming with Shaun Southern

It's no secret that some old-school Amiga games are so light on content, they can be completed in under ten minutes. Which is one of many reasons it can be an unexpected joy to discover hidden mini-games within the main event. Let's see how many we can identify and fathom out how to activate them. Don't be surprised if former Gremlin coder, Shaun Southern, drops in for a chat. He's no stranger to burying playable Easter eggs in his work.

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Teaming with promise

If anything about Team 17's inaugural gaming release, Miami Chase, evokes memories of Miami Vice, that's purely at the discretion of your own predilections. Certainly, there was no intention to plant in the player's mind allusions to the New Wave hot property in order to surreptitiously inflate the game's street credibility. With that disclaimer subtly dispensed, in Miami Chase we play as tough-talking, F40 drivin' undercover cop, Don Ferrari, who has been granted just 48 hours to expunge the crime-ridden streets of gangster filth to boost the mayor's odds of re-election.

Racing against an infernally ticking clock whilst eschewing civilian collateral damage, red car targets are rooted out and eliminated engaging the city map and extreme prejudice, hopefully without drawing too much attention from patrolling beat cops. We're operating so deeply undercover, even they aren't aware we're on the same side.

Miami Chase was Team 7 International's only release before evolving into double-digits to become the wonderous, worm-taming wizards of Wakefield, Team 17.


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Homage fraise

Paul Clarke's one-man Amiga shareware project, Bazza 'n' Runt, is an addictive single-screen platformer revolving around Bazza's quest to track down Old Man Misty who harbours the secret to concocting the perfect platformer plot. Planting bombs and fleeing beyond the blast area to exterminate a fixed number of nasties per level forms the crux of the game's simple, yet satisfying premise. Runt is only drafted in to join the fray in two-player competitive mode. Altogether a fun desktop distraction that doesn't take itself too seriously.

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Pudding on a show

Jonathan 'Joffa' Smith's first published game introduces us to a winged Pacman-like creature known as Pud Pud and the Weird World in which he inhabits, yet would rather escape from. This he achieves by eating 10 bowls of non-descript pudding whilst walking or flapping throughout a series of surreal mazes stalked by Mrs Pud armed with her toxic kiss. A unique game from the delightfully disordered mind of a sadly missed one-of-a-kind coder.

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No teddy bears' picnic

Risky Woods is an insanely intense, dagger-chucking scrolling platformer completely ruined by the necessity to master pixel-perfect jumping whilst deflecting a neverending fusillade of Harryhausen style living skeletons. Check out the longplay to ensure its immaculate presentation doesn't go to waste, camouflaged behind an impenetrable difficulty curve.

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Play it Again Herman

Old Nick has unleashed hordes of ghouls, zombies, vampires, and ghosts into The Munsters' mansion and kidnapped Marilyn as punishment for being too nice. Playing sequentially as Herman, Eddie, Grandpa and Lily, we're tasked with deploying our most potent spells to banish them back to the underworld and rescue Marilyn.

Alternative Software's officially licensed TV show accompaniment is a goulash of platforming and airborne, fire-breathing shmupping. The bipedal mansion-mooching segments require little explanation, whereas in the latter our services are engaged taming Spot, the family pet dragon, employed to chaperone the Munster Koach.

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I've got the secret, I've got the key to another way

Environmentally speaking, Fire & Ice features two prominent scenarios lodged at either end of the temperature scale, yet also more moderate ecological habitats that sit somewhere in between these two bipolar extremes. Fire and Ice (subtitled The Daring Adventures of Cool Coyote), aside from being climatically jarring for those of us susceptible to chilblains, is a traditional platformer escapade that entails killing meanies to recover the individual components of keys required to make progress.

Adding a soupcon of subtlety to the proceedings, Cool Coyote can encapsulate enemies in an icy straightjacket, subsequent collisions shattering their mini prisons in a manner reminiscent of Bubble Bobble's joyous bubble-trapping function. Tiny puppy followers can be gathered to bolster our ice-powered pellet projectiles. Whilst blindly attempting to track Cool Coyote's route through the territories, they zap enemies in synchrony with their esteemed leader of the pack.

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Don't need no credit card to ride this pain

Top Banana is most accurately summated as Rainbow Islands starring Betty Boo on an ecstasy-fuelled, environmentally-aware crusade to save the planet one recyclable home computer game box at a time. It's visually, auricularly and conceptually hideous no matter what state of delirium you find yourself under whilst imbibing its own special brand of insanity. Top Banana has no redeeming features other than reminding game developing hopefuls that no matter how awful their creations, there may well be someone stupid enough to fund its publication. Hang on a minute, that's not a positive thing.

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It's a magical place, we're on our way there...

Stranded on the 'The Hippest Place in The Known Universe' following a crash landing, as the only remaining Fuzzy Wuzzy at liberty, it's Clyde Radcliff's duty to rescue his clan from incarceration, averting certain torture and probable death at the stubby hands of the devious demon inhabitants.

Creatures is a game of two halves spliced with a shopping trip to visit a potion emporium hosted by an overly suggestive, friendly witch. Here Clyde exchanges 'magic potion creatures' (collected during the traditional platform stages) for enhanced halitosis breath projectile patterns. The ultimate weapon in his unyielding mission to Exterminate All The Unfriendly, Repulsive Earth-Ridden Slime referred to in the title's backronym.

Located at the end of each level is an ACME-powered torture chamber in which Clyde discovers to his horror one of his chums poised to befall a fate worse than living an untrendy existence. If he fails to sabotage the demon's intricate machinery in time, they'll be squished, bludgeoned, pulverised, sawed in two, made holey with mini-gun rounds, or otherwise treated in a manner that's none too pleasant.

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A barnacle on the dinghy of life

In a one or two-player, one-on-one, single-screen beat 'em up tournament, fuelled by hamburgers and spinach, Popeye grapples with a ragtag assemblage of alien opponents to protect his home planet. Popeye 3: WrestleCrazy would be fantastically absurd fun if only it played and controlled better. Predictable is boring, nobody predicted this.

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Tuesday, 28 July 2020

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Especially for roo

Read or watch any review of Zeppelin's isometric street-racing Neighbours game published in 1991 and you'll immediately be battered over the bonce with the notion that the genre choice was the craziest slathering of nutty paste on toast, dished up on the wrong side of Planet Looney Bin. What they don't trouble themselves to explain is what would be more suitable. A World War II shoot 'em up? Shuttle simulator set in outer space? How about a stealthy first-person shooter starring Kylie Minogue armed with a monkey wrench and oil canisters? Perhaps a point and click adventure that hones in on the life and times of, say, Harold Bishop? You could help him serve sandwiches in the coffee shop, in his downtime learning how to play the trombone with the Salvation Army while waiting for arthritis to make claws of the musical maestro's digits.

What we were actually treated to is a skateboarding arcade simulator in which we play as Scott Robinson, pitted against some of Ramsay Streets most memorable residents riding various forms of idiosyncratically relevant transport, set against the backdrop of a selection of recognisable locations. It's alright as an action-oriented, ten-minute distraction, crammed full of Aussie stereotypes designed to appeal to Brits who know no better. No doubt ticking all of Grundy TV's approval criteria, it's visually appealing, styled according to a cute, cartoony aesthetic, non-violent, includes a smattering of Neighbours' most famous cast and displays all the obligatory license holder's badges.

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I have prayed many times for God to send me a friend

Playing as the eponymous Bride of Frankenstein, it's our mission to scavenge the various human organs required to build our dream monster, then zap him to life at the apex of Castle Frankenstein with a bit of help from the power of lightning (and love if Huey Lewis will agree to serenade us). All that stands between us and eternal happiness is the undead and a series of locked doors.

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The pantomime must go on

Ocean's first WWF wrestling game wasn't exactly fantastic, yet merits a nostalgic, reality-blurring pass if it happens to represent your earliest experience with pixelated wrestling hijinks. A year later, lessons learnt and improvements made, with the advent of European Rampage Tour, all bets were off. It's the tag-team upgrade that should have kicked Wrestlemania into the dirt, mashing its brains to mush with a stainless steel folding chair. Instead, somehow, European Rampage manages to look inferior and be less fun to play. It's enough to make a federation of global wrestlers change their name to distance themselves from the sullied hobby.

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My friend Wildey's coming

You are Bronson in Death Wish 3! When the game's box features a picture of legendary vigilante crime-fighter, Paul Kersey, wielding a .475 Wildey Magnum, aimed right at our forehead, who's going to argue with Gremlin? Now you need to make him - I mean us - proud by cleaning up the filth-ridden New York streets, flushing out the drug-dealers, pimps, rapists, muggers and murderers. Make an effort not to decapitate bystanding grannies and 'ladies of the night' and the police might just chip in with a scintilla of support. Not that we really need it, we're Charles Bronson! With one arm tied behind our back and ten tranks nestled snugly in our belly, we could Chuck a Norris, Damme a Jean-Claude, Snipe at Wesley, Cage Nicholas, run Vings around Rhames and feed Steven to the Seagals. Do yourself a favour; make playing this your dying wish, it's an absolute riot! ;)

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A page right out of history

Junior, Son of Chuck, demonstrates he's a chip off the old block in the sequel to Core Design's prehistoric platformer, Chuck Rock. As before, it's hard to play without imagining being trapped inside a vintage Flintstones cartoon, except now we're in charge of a nappy-clad, further regressed Bamm-Bamm, wielding a club taller than he is on a quest to save his kidnapped dad from the clutches of the stony-hearted Brick Jagger. It's hardly a chore when the audio-visual presentation is so enticing, exquisitely crafted by esteemed professionals who clearly had their hearts invested in this passion project. Much like living in Bedrock, endless comedic touches keep us amused throughout while we bash and crash our way to a poignant family reunion.

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Have you slimed an Ameboid today?

I examine the Amiga's lesser-known Wipe-Out game. At its core, it's Tron with hoverboards rather than light cycles, played against enemy AI or a friend via the split-screen view. Whilst avoiding collision with energy trails and walls, power-ups can be collected to confer enhancements such as brakes or a suped-up engine.

Betting on the outcome of bouts and climbing the leaderboard represents the other side of the equation, introducing deeper management elements to counterbalance the game's action-oriented focus.

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Stick a red nose on your conk, and let's stonk

Playing as man's best friend, bipedal wonder dog Ralph, it's your duty to protect your pet human, Lee, from sustaining injury as he obliviously sleepwalks around his home town. Don't be silly, if you just woke him up, there would be nothing to do, and where's the fun in that?

It's a lot like a one-Lemming reinterpretation of DMA Design's famous suicide-prevention puzzler, only we manipulate our charge by directly shunting him out of harm's way. Sleepwalker is also notable for raising a wad of cash for the Red Nose Day charity appeal as part of Comic Relief.

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Full speed ahead Mr. Parker!

Being a movie stunt performer is an exhilarating career that pays a fortune, seducing the admiration of zillions of swooning groupies. The only drawback is not living long enough to spend your accrued pocket-busting mega-bucks. Clearly Rainbow Arts spotted this dilemma, publishing the stunt gig simulator, Danger Freak, to offer a convenient alternative way to enjoy all the thrills and blood-spills of being a professional nutter without risking one's neck. Now we can steam ahead yellow submarine/convertible sports car surfing, motorbiking, jetskiing, and jetplane piloting... all from the safety of a swivel chair.

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I sit and wait, does an angel contemplate my fate

Probably in the interests of not wanting to glorify violence, The Guardian Angels have never been keen to involve themselves with gaming. Luckily (?) Amiga game publishers, Screen 7, were on hand to do it for them, commissioning Emerald Software to devise 'Fallen Angel'. A Double Dragon style beat 'em up unofficially themed around the non-profit, unarmed crime prevention group, set in the underground transport networks of various major cities around the globe.

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It's (not) hammer-time

Amiga puzzle-platformer, Crystal Palace, should really have been included in my shameless gaming rip-offs article. It isn't merely because the cutesy curio was a late contender and so is awarded its own dedicated micro-showcase - there really isn't a lot to cover. Crystal Palace is in no minor way related to the Selhurst-based English football team of the same name. In fact, a P.P. Hammer And His Pneumatic Weapon wannabe delivered on the cover of German gaming magazine, Amiga Fun.

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Xeroxmorphs in Dittoland - the medley edition

There were so many cheap knock-off games on the Amiga vying for a slice of a recognisable franchise's cache that if I dedicated a separate article to each of them something, something, unworkable etc. Instead, allow me to present my far more digestible rip-off roundup. Shockingly enough, not all examples are taken from the public domain realm. Some actually had a price tag!

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If RoboCod had a hammer...

Thanks to Paul Driscoll's purchase and scanning of the lesser-known multi-system gaming magazine, Games-X, we learn that at some point in its development, RoboCod was to be equipped with a hammer weapon. Not quite representing the magazine's legacy in its entirety, it does denote that there's plenty of exclusive information to be gleaned from this seemingly poor relation in the Amiga magazine fraternity.

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Monday, 27 July 2020

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We are never ever ever getting back together

Quicksilva's 8-bit conversion of Raymond Brigg's festive classic, The Snowman, is a single screen snowman-building affair in which we embody James, the bewildered child who learns that sentient life can be generated and lost within the space of a single night, and is actually jolly rotten regardless of what he might have forgotten. We can laugh and joke and sing all we like, but, if in the morning, our only friend remains an icy puddle buoying a floating carrot and a couple of lumps of coal, it's hard to argue that life is anything other than a bit of a shoddy deal not worth 1up-ing. If you allow yourself to be sent to slumberland through collision with a fiendish sleep monster, there may be a slim chance of momentarily forgetting that human existence is futile and you may as well dissolve with a blowtorch everything you hold dear to your heart before fate takes the decision out of your knitted mitts. Happy Christmas! God bless us, one and all.

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Let's get physics-al

Alien, teardrop-shaped blob, Puggsy, began life as an unexplained visitor from elsewhereland, the unlikely star of his own rolling Amiga demo, before evolving into a fully playable, platforming protagonist devised by future LEGO gurus, Travellers' Tales. Fundamentally, Puggsy is a reimagining of the puzzle-adventure Dizzy concept, albeit remarkable for its introduction of convincing physics effects. Fantastic graphics and audio, a pre-rendered intro and six humongous bosses complete the spectacle.

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Guppies Are Forever

Underwater Agent is the parody-packing-platformer that first introduced us to the fi5hy James Pond franchise, culminating in a cheese-chasing trip to space. A superspy-themed, 007-mission-based action escapade comprised purely of aquatic episodes that was nevertheless forgiven, evolving into a far more playable, landlocked sequel; RoboCod. Loath or loath oceanic acrobatics, there's no denying the star's lovable charm and rogueish sophistication. He's the guppie with the golden pun. The cod with the extendable bod. The humble starfish who dared to wish.

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You've got me. Who's got you?

If you took the Justice League of America, wrung every last drop of fun out of them, supplanting their nuanced personalities with a single group-think ecologically-minded conscience, you'd be left with a set of plaster of Paris rubber moulds of Captain Planet and the Planeteers. A hexad of bland, unpainted moral crusaders who on a break from saving our souls wangled their way into the Amiga 500 Cartoon Classics pack in 1992. If it was one of the few games you owned at the time and your experience of it are inextricably bound with fond memories of Christmas, you may have developed a bit of a soft spot for the title, as I did. Impartially speaking, it's not that well regarded, despite being immensely fun to link back to its cartoon source material roots and discuss with its coder, Tony Crowther. Funny I should mention that.

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Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still, I'm still Moley with a Glock

Gremlin's fifth Monty Mole jaunt signalled the humble, furry miner's transition to the 16-bit systems in 1990 as well as smooth scrolling platforming. A fluttering cape can work wonders for one's superpowers, evolving our dirt-munching workhorse into a Rick Dangerous style Impossamole, ready to burst loose, kung-fu-kicking from his 8-bit shackles equipped with smart bombs and a gun, fearlessly prepped to explore the far reaches of the planet.

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Trolling's for girls

Anyone who bought the Amiga CD32 launch pack in 1993 will be familiar with the Academy Award collecting huckster, Oscar. It didn't win any, but the power of suggestion can't have hurt the zany, movie-themed platformer's prospects. Except, that is, if you'd already forked out for Trolls and realised too late that one was essentially a re-skin of the other. Swap the bridge-patrolling protagonist sprite and his motivation for charging about like a demented squirrel mascot trapped in an Amiga flyer and you have a completely fresh adventure, ready to accompany Commodore's snazzy new 32-bit, CD-based console-beater.

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I tawt I taw a puddy tat

Lionheart is the licensed tie-in game ThunderCats should have been... assuming the goal was to produce a mesmerisingly delectable Rastan-esque hack 'n' slash platformer that looks and sounds like the cat's whiskers without actually being much fun to play. Hobbled by uncomfortably awkward controls and the lack of feasible attack manoeuvres, the latter is cat-egorically guaranteed. Possessing the eye of the tiger is a meowt point when you're powered by the engine of a Honda Cub moped.

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Probably been moved on from every place, 'Cos she didn't fit in there

Paradise Lost is, without doubt, the best Turkish Amiga-hosted Shadow-of-the-Beast-wannabe-platformer based on John Milton's 1667 epic poem of the same name the world has ever seen. Bar none. Launching from the fluffy-clouded heavens on angelic wings of divinity, it shames the competition, pulling off an Academy-Award-winning Wonder Woman impersonation before hitting the ground, shimmering golden harp of destiny twanging out the good word to signal its celestial arrival.

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One toy soldier stands alone in the attic

Tin Toy Adventure in the House of Fun is another visually stunning, Disneyfied Amiga platformer courtesy of one-man development team, Adrian Cummings. Tin Toy's forte, aside from mastering the usual genre tropes, is the deployment of a quadruplet of utilitarian spells conferring spontaneous platform-construction, the capacity to float, invulnerability and smart bomb conjuring. An audio-visual feast for the senses that's also fun to play whenever you're in the mood to wind down with one of the Amiga's more ponderously-paced platformers.

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Nine inches under tall

Garfield: Winter's Tail comprises three mini-games geared towards ensuring the lasagne-loving moggy's dream ends on a high note. Playing as the eternally sarcastic, eponymous feline, we must slalom down a snowcapped mountain, dodging obstacles and leaping ramps en route towards paradise; the roof of a lasagne factory. In the chocolate factory stage, we must ensure pipework is maintained to guide a steady supply of chocolate towards mechanical chickens laying chocolate eggs. Finally, we're challenged to ice skate across a frozen lake following a breadcrumb trail of edible footprints deposited by the mythical chocolate chicken.

A respectable homage to Jim Davis' comic book artwork and characterisation, shot in the paw by flimsy gameplay with suspect longevity prospects.

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Things are about to get grizzly, please bear with me

Mute, magician-wannabe bear puppet, Sooty, and his pals, Sweep and Sue, have been sadly underemployed in the gaming world over the years given their longstanding popularity on the old tellybox, spanning many generations of viewers. Mostly they appear in extremely limited educational titles aimed at tiny, ickle whipper-snappers. Not hardcore gamers such as myself who'd rather play as Sooty in an edgy, blood-thirsty action-platformer like the one discussed here courtesy of Alternative Software.

Sweep, it would appear, has carelessly left the door open, allowing a parade of creepy-crawlies to march in, ransacking their home sweet home. It's our task - playing as Sooty or Sweep - to navigate around these living obstacles collecting all the bones. It's not clear why they don't then use these obvious weapons to splat the squatting invaders. Maybe Mr or Mrs plot-writer had a pie in the oven and got distracted. It should be noted that Sue remains underrepresented in the gaming medium, shunted to the sidelines to watch. She'd have, quite rightly, hired a specialist discrimination lawyer if this happened today. Black and white panda lives matter too!

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I wasn't lookin' but somehow you found me

Think Rolling Thunder with an aquatic theme and hey presto, it's ThunderJaws! Go SCUBA diving, wrestle sharks, and breach the underwater fortress of arch-nemesis villainess, Madame Q. Invite a pal to join the fray, thwarting her diabolical Bondian schemes and it's twice as much fun.

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Saturday, 25 July 2020

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Boats, automoboats and boatomobiles

Elite's Live and Let Die movie tie-in game began life as a generic boat chase/escape simulator that was later re-branded to capitalise on the cache of the 1973 James Bond movie when Domark acquired the conversion rights, semi-vintage as it already was by this stage in 1988. Play it for five minutes and this becomes glaringly apparent since only the bare minimum was changed to fool the audience into parting with their cash. Refer to the box and title screen.

With five solid minutes worth of experience under Q's gadget belt (or am confusing Bond with Batman?), you will have seen everything it has to offer, giving me ample opportunity to take a look at the much more interesting movie, featuring voodoo priests and rituals, sacrificial killings, a coffin writhing with intertwined snakes, a coerced, manipulative sex scene that isn't quite rape, yet is highly creepy, uncomfortably suspect and misjudged regardless, and high-velocity boat and double-decker bus chases! I think we can pull this one back from the brink if you'll just grab the wheel while I take out the henchman goons on my tail.

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The pugs don't work

Why did Williams Electronics' think 'Narc', an abbreviation for anti-narcotics officer (or something like that) needed to be capitalised like an acronym? What would it stand for if that were true, and would it be publishable within earshot of a family audience? Perhaps we'll never know. Perhaps it's explained in my article about the ultra-violent, 2D scrolling, arcade-action platformer in which you can leap out of a gleaming red millionaire's Ferrari, and slaughter dogs and prostitutes before you hit the ground blasting. I really can't remember. I suppose you'll have to check it out and inform me.

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Let the rivers run red

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is one of those obscure movies people remember fondly, looking back through tomato juice tinted glasses, yet only if they have very hazy memories of the 1978 ultra-cheap parody of classic horror B-movies. It does feature a few notable moments and I plan to put together a 50 second 'best of' video one day to showcase those assuming it hasn't already been done by some other saddo. ;)

Global Software's licensed 8-bit game has little in common with the movie aside from borrowing the eponymous vegetable meanies. It's an isometric action game in which you play as a PuraTom processing plant worker who finds himself under threat from mutating tommies. His means of defence is to either dump the gurning critters into holes in the floor or use various scavenged weapons to dispatch them. It's a race against the clock, which can be extended by collecting punch cards. 

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DJ FrankenWizkid featuring Jops

I analyse the torso and limbs off Sensible Software's Wizkid (that's how that happened!), the game that defies all logic, gravity and explanation. I give it a go regardless, posing questions into the ether along the way. Well, not exactly like shouting into an empty forest as it happens - the annotations you'll see next to my inquisitive ponderings were contributed by none other than Jon 'Jops' Hare, co-designer and artist of Wizkid. It's an alternative interview concerning a gloriously alternative game. Orthodox just wouldn't have cut it here!

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Of Mice and Terminators

It wasn't only the lucrative success of Sonic and Mario that developers aspired to duplicate on the Amiga. Another pot of jewels at the end of the neverending rainbow was Street Fighter II. We did receive a port of our own in 1992 courtesy of US Gold... which beat 'em aficionados considered a pale imitation of the SNES and arcade iterations. Regardless of the port's quality, it sure isn't a Team 17 property so they kept plugging away to devise their own equivalent one-on-one fighting tournament. Body Blows was their contender; an original, independent project designed solely for Amiga and DOS platforms. They managed to invent some memorable - albeit often derivative - combatants, primed with their own catchphrases and special moves, capable of execution via a single button joystick.

A year later, Team 17 enhanced their preliminary offering with two respectable upgrades; Body Blows Galactic and Ultimate Body Blows, contributing enough new characters, moves, and scenarios to make them worthwhile purchases.

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Turn West for serious comedy

Ocean's isometric Batman game was followed up by a 2D scrolling platformer, also from Ocean. Well, published by Ocean at least. Special FX took care of the development duties, creating a memorable riff on the dark knight's vintage comic books, rather than any of the movies or TV show. It's a plodding, puzzle-solving, adventure game at heart, glued together with minimal arcade-action elements.

What distinguishes 'Batman: The Caped Crusader' from the colony is presentation; each scene unravels in its own captivating comic book cell, superimposed over the last. That aside, Caped Crusader is comprised of two entirely distinct episodes featuring some of Batman's most notorious arch-nemeses; one revolving around Penguin's latest criminal scheme, the other concerning that of The Joker, offering double the value. With Joffa Smith in the Batcave working the control panels, you can expect a degree of lateral thinking to be required, while discovering a number of quirky, abstract allusions along the way.

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Strangers are friends you have yet to maim

If the intention was to revitalise and enhance Double Dragon 10 years after its introduction, you might end up with something like The Strangers, an Amiga-exclusive, 2D, scrolling beat 'em up featuring fatalities, and a 3D rendered intro/backgrounds. It sounds tempting on paper. Hmm, we'll see...

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No Future In The Past

Renegade III, subtitled The Final Chapter, tempts players to make the inevitable joke, incorporating a sigh of relief at an apposite moment. When a franchise whips out the hackneyed 'send protagonist back in time/to space' plot device, you know fibreglass sharks have been jumped and it's game over. Renegade III's previously unknown development path and the trivia surrounding its mysterious release personally fascinated me regardless, and that's why this article exists. I can't vouch for the degree of fun you'll have playing the partially complete game.

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Ignore the pain!

For the third Rambo movie, Sly Stallone treks to Afghanistan on another perilous rescue mission. This time to emancipate his incarcerated former military commander/lifelong best friend, Colonel Trautman, drawing him into deadly conflict with his brutal captors, Soviet Colonel Zaysen and his henchman, Sergeant Kourov. Seeing as he's already deeply embroiled in fraught Afghan-Russian dissensions, Sly decides he may as well hang on a while longer to lead the Soviet armed forces in their daring uprising.

Ocean's inevitable gaming translation loosely follows suit, replicating the silver screen's explosive combat in a diluted fashion with a mixture of top-down action levels and tank-based first-person target-shooting. Whilst not quite bursting with effervescent high-octane thrills and blood spills, the cute, stunted spritework is exactly what you'd hope for from a tongue-in-cheek comic book interpretation, garnering an amiable charm beyond the sum of its parts.

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Input. That's information! Listen, I am full of it.

In Ocean's Short Circuit gaming incarnation of the comic sci-fi movie we, naturally, play as Johnny 5, a NOVA laboratories designed robot who gains sentience when struck by lightning. As in the movie, rather than serve as a US army puppet following orders in relation to Cold War operations, Johnny 5 breaks loose from his military prison to live an independent life. With free will now hard-wired into his circuitry, he romances a human lady, connects with wildlife (literally by jumping on it in one case), speed-reads the universe's entire library, and learns to comprehend human emotions.

In the second half of the 2D scrolling, action-puzzler, Johnny must navigate through rural areas of the outside world beyond the NOVA labs. Shooting pursuing robots and military personnel, his mission is simply to escape without crushing the park wildlife. Now in possession of human empathy, Johnny becomes increasingly depressed with each collateral damage kill, until involuntary shutdown overcomes his joie de vivre.

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A total eclipse of the heart

Upon occurrence of a full moon, cursed by a millenarian spell, Bully is transformed into a fish, while his girlfriend, Monica, switches back from a hawk to her human self. Next cycle, the scenario is vice-versa-ed, guaranteeing that the lovers can never reunite in their human form. To reverse the spell, Bully must free Monica from her cage and together head towards the submarine temple of the sun to await a solar eclipse or Sol Negro in Spanish.

A grandiose scheme encapsulating a melancholy, tethered plight of fancy that distils to a feeble platformer, realistically completable in under fifteen minutes once the player is familiar with the layout and enemy attack routines. Sol Negro's most accomplished feature is its unofficial association with the medieval dark fantasy film, Ladyhawke, starring Matthew Broderick, Rutger Hauer, and Michelle Pfeiffer. Which explains why the majority of my article focuses on that instead. Not an award-winning piece by any means, but you know, it's all relative. One of the key differences you'll notice between the two mediums is the animal substitution situation in the game; there's no sentient fish in Richard Donner's movie. Instead, Rutger Hauer alternatively appears in lupine form. Introducing an aquatic species was no doubt as an excuse to shoehorn in some underwater levels to add a splash of much-needed variety.

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Mash of the sprite-ans

In Gremlin's platformer-shmup hybrid, Pegasus, we actually play as the mystical white horse's rider, Perseus, rather than the eponymous gee-gee. Well, except when we assume the role of both simultaneously for the airborne levels. They're co-stars, shall we leave it at that?

Unsurprisingly, the game takes its cues from Greek mythology. Particularly that filtered through the medium of classic fantasy-adventure movies covering the same material. Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans, for instance. What results is a beautifully illustrated semi-Rastan-ish epic challenge that will test the dexterity of even pro gamers.

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Can you just stop saying stupid things and free me from this lovely, cute, fragrant cheese

One of the many Monkey Island wannabes that failed to grab a piece of Lucasart's point and click pie back in the '90s is Sixth Sense Investigations. You play as a private eye detective solving supernatural mysteries for rich people. Whilst this premise has potential to be intriguing in its own right, it's the unintentionally hilarious and politically incorrect dialogue that makes the off-kilter adventure game worth playing. Attempt script translation on the cheap and this is often the result. Nonetheless, never has it been this funny on the Amiga.

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Friday, 24 July 2020

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I give up. This whole thing's very Russian.

Red Heat is Ocean's gaming interpretation of the lesser-known Arnie Schwarzenegger movie of the same name, co-starring James Belushi. One superficially mirrors the other in that we steer a heavyset, stilted Arnie sprite throughout the same locations seen on the silver screen en route to tracking down Georgian drug kingpin, Viktor Rostavili. Initially, he's rumbled in Russia, hence the movie title. Nevertheless, in the blink of an eye, he flees to America where the rest of the movie takes place because you can't have an A-list Hollywood blockbuster set entirely over there in Foreignland. People would think it was an intelligent arthouse film and stay away in droves. I'll leave you to catch the highlights on YouTube rather than explaining any more. I can wait for two minutes. ;)

Ocean's multi-system conversion is sadly amongst the worst of their entire library. I expect you'll already be familiar with it for the wrong reasons. It's notorious for funnelling all the 'action' into a tiny, widescreen strip, barely affording sufficient space to display Arnie and his drug-dealing perpetrator prey from the waist up. This would have been the perfect opportunity to execute an appropriate, nudity-censoring gag during the sauna level, except all the patrons including Captain Ivan Danko (Arnie) are wearing modesty towels regardless, and the same screen-obliterating perspective is used throughout in any case. Even more jarring is Belushi's appearance as Chicago police detective, Art Ridzik. He looks the part, granted, right up until the jaw-dropping moment when he begins to speak. Then that's the only part of his anatomy that's animated, his jaw, seemingly borrowed from a vintage ventriloquist's dummy. Ocean turned James Belushi into a wooden marionette for a lark! And it is as long as you didn't pay money for the privilege!

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Even heroes have the right to bleed

Christopher Reeve was no doubt 'The Man of Steel' in the movies. In Tynesoft's multi-system Superman game, paper mache would be more appropriate. We begin by steering Supes into the path of hordes of Darkseid's oncoming airborne aliens in third-person flight mode. And that's all most people will get to experience of the genre-mashing homage to the greatest superhero to don underpants over his leotard. A crying shame since it's meticulously illustrated and so evocative of the comic books you can't help developing a bit of a soft spot for the downtrodden puppy.

If you take the trouble to look up the various interpretations of the game on YouTube it will be well worth your time. There are multiple 2D, scrolling beat 'em up platform levels, several obstacle-dodging/blasting interludes played in outer space from top-down perspective, and best of all, the immersive comic book pages periodically inserted between the action to progress Superman's predicament and pie-in-the-sky resolution.

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Bahd to the bone

If Gods doesn't float your boat due to its stodgy, unforgiving controls, you might like to give Deliverance a fair hack and/or slash of the current blade being wielded like a medieval maniac. It's far more manoeuvrable and therefore accessible as a pickup and play arcade platformer, otherwise featuring analogous mechanics and visual themes.

Raising the bar (well, for anyone who enjoys Gothic horror media), Deliverance should really have been published with at least a 15 age rating given the topless nudity and post-torture remnants exhibited in the background graphics. 21st Century were careful not to display that aspect on the box surprisingly enough. Offering greater universal appeal I'd imagine, some of the dexterously animated sprites are a wonder to behold, particularly that of our protagonist. Most of the humongous end-of-level bosses less so. Expecting that level of finesse throughout would perhaps be pushing our luck in 1992, powered by an Amiga 500.

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Faith, trust and a little pixie dust

You have to admire Jaleco for having the guts to create a game starring two cute, cherubic little fairies and release it into a target market comprised largely of adolescent boys. I have no idea how much money Rod-land made in the arcades or the proportion of male/female gamers who fed coins into the cabinet. Nevertheless, it was sufficiently well-received to be treated to various home computer/console ports and still has a tendency to crop up on contemporary platforms today.

It's easy to see why; Rod-land is as addictive a two-player, single-screen platformer as Bubble Bobble, and you don't say that lightly. A big part of the attraction is the satisfying way baddies are whacked out of the equation. First entranced by a magic wand, they are held transfixed to be swept overhead, smacking them down first to the left and then the right until they give up the ghost. There's nothing quite like it outside of pantomime wrestling. Then there's the sheer joy and sense of power engendered by the capacity to create and climb ladders at will wherever and whenever the mood strikes you. Critical since you can't jump to swerve collision or collect objects situated on higher ground. Floating downwards is, however, an option and that adds another significant design mechanic that hikes the fun factor exponentially. Mobilise a bomb in the right general direction of an opponent and watch them *boom* comic book style. Perfectly responsive controls and the instant feedback of well-balanced arcade action really make you feel you're in charge of your own destiny.

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Warning - May contain Timets

Prior to release, NEON Software's Amiga version of Mr Nutz (subtitled Hoppin' Mad) was known as 'Timet: the Flying Squirrel'. How Timet ended up starring an anthropomorphic squirrel taken from a totally different Ocean Software game, Mr Nutz for various consoles, developed by Ocean France, is an intriguing story. I assess both of the immensely fun, lusciously beautiful pixel art platformers, as well as tracing the fascinating history of their origin tails with a bit of help from some of the developers.

This article is also available as a video documentary on my YouTube channel if you'd rather experience it that way. It features some previously unseen, original Timet artwork, which I have artist Antony Christoulakis to thank for.

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Don't worry, bee happy

Apidya II is a German-born, Japanese-style insect-based shmup with no prequel. You play as a prince who has willingly undergone transformation into a wasp to seek an antidote to his wife's black magic curse dilemma. Confused? It doesn't matter; it's a surreal, spellbinding experience either way. Animation, graphics and sound are impeccable, their aggregate undeniably elevating the package to Amiga royalty status. As entertaining to absorb through the senses without a joystick as it is to play personally.

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A touch more magic

I told you everyone loves Simon the Sorcerer, so much so he came back for a sequel, subtitled 'The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe'. I won't insult your intelligence by explaining the literary reference. It's more of the same point and click adventuring with some characters making a welcome comeback, others totally unique to STS part II. Most dramatic in the 'ring the changes quiz' department is Chris Barrie's no-show voice-over. He was replaced by someone cheaper, while Simon's personality took a no-holds-barred dive towards the dark side. Our favourite lovably cynical wannabe-wizard is now double-snarky, in a bitter, nasty sort of way, rather than an endearing Red Dwarf manner that manages to stay on the right side of 'feel good' comedy. Not necessarily all emanating from the lips of Simon, the sequel even contains a few incidences of casual homophobia that would never pass the rigours of today's PC scrutiny. You could argue that these lines determine the persona of the characters and there's no obligation for them to be likeable to be worthy of their place in the narrative, or for that matter to express the views of the dialogue writer. That's what the puddled cancel-culture brigade struggle so much with. People need to be able to decide for themselves if they're offended by a work of literature or whatever. They can't do that if it has already been wiped from society's communal hard disk, deleted and formatted with military-grade encryption techniques.

Odd character development sabotage aside, Simon II is equally as appealing as his first trip into alternative Neverland. It's hard to argue it's an upgrade in any way because the first game was so immaculately perfect in the graphics, sound and gameplay departments. More fairytales are alluded to, then twistedly warped to give them a fresh, contemporary lick of irony paint, dashing our expectations. There's no end to the cavalcade of bizarre characters, some of their surreal and often deliciously nonsensical dialogue trees or monologues unravelling over the course of aeons. It doesn't feel like it thankfully since Simon II is so well written it's like starring in the world's longest comedy stand-up routine. One you'll be sorry to realise has a terminating punchline.

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Thursday, 23 July 2020

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You'll like this, not a lot...

Adventuresoft's magical, fantasy point and click adventure, Simon the Sorcerer, evokes a number of superficial parallels to Secret of Monkey Island... points them out with glee, giggles and then moves on to do its own thing. For many British people, it's considered far superior to Lucasarts' gold standard piratey shenanigans given that the dialogue, humour, pop-culture references, Chris Barrie's voice-over, and everything else in between, are more relevant, therefore more deeply affecting. But obviously it's not enough to produce a very British game for British people and expect the audience to be rolling in the aisles with gut-busting cachinnation. Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps is British and surely not even British viewers think that's worth torturing their peepers with. What makes Simon the Sorcerer so special is... oh, read the article. It's a long, complex tale.

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You left me with everything, Knowing it would never be enough

Precocious super-tyke, Ruff Rogers, has lost his marbles, yet nothing is going to stand in the way of retrieving them. Not even gargantuan, mechanical end-of-level bosses. Initially armed with a heavy-duty sub-machine gun, edgy '90s attitude and cool quiff, his fate is looking progressively sunny. While Ruff 'n' Tumble's plot is flimsier than a soggy sherbet saucer, thankfully the gameplay is rock-solid, rivalling the most impressive action-platformer shooters the consoles of the era had to offer.

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Water bombs at dawn

Can you assist Hipopo the Hippopotamus in tracking down his misplaced girlfriend? Come on, it's a Taito, coin-op, 2D platformer, it'll be fun. Especially since you get to pelt water bombs at enemies, use them to drive water wheels, insta-grow climbable beanstalks, and freeze then kick assailants off-screen!

Originally released to arcades in 1990, Ocean UK never got round to pulling the trigger on Ocean France's water pistol, shooting their exquisitely polished Amiga conversion into a software retail shop near you. It wasn't until 2003 when it was finally (and freely) distributed online for Amiga fans to discover what might have been. Well, actually is. Now anyway. You know what I mean.

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Xeroxmorphs in Dittoland - to Cimmeria and beyond!

Have you ever dreamed of becoming Conan the Barbarian without troubling yourself with all that inconvenient weight-lifting, cardio workouts and extreme dieting? Meet Core Design's Torvak the Warrior! Wield a spell-bound melee weapon or four, slay a meddlesome necromancer, have tea and biscuits with Rastan and talk tactics - it's all here hack 'n' slash fans! Arnie Schwarzenegger isn't so you may get a generous discount. *

* not guaranteed

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Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet

Here's a novel concept for a game; an arcade-converted scrolling beat 'em up played on horseback, set during the Three Kingdoms Era of Chinese history during which stout warriors would charge about yelling and introducing sharp steel objects to your delicate internal organs. Best of all, Dynasty Wars bears no relation to the awful '80s TV show of not the same name, but similar.

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A boy's best friend

Hollywood horror and the slasher genre, in particular, owes a huge debt of gratitude to Psycho (the proper 1960 black and white original obviously). It's an undeniable, 40,000-carat gold, timeless, bona fide classic. So how could you possibly treat it with suitably decorous gushing reverence in gaming form? You can't! Simple as that. Starsoft Development Labs gave it a shot regardless, translating Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece into a primitive adventure-puzzle game controlled by a simple hot-key verb interface. Before you get too excited, be aware that you won't be playing as everyone's favourite bell boy, the mesmerisingly jittery, double-thinking Norman Bates. Instead, the starring protagonist is an anonymous detective who visits Bates' motel in order to investigate the theft of some jewels... along with their bound and gagged curator.

True, it's not exactly like holding a mirror up to the silver screen, yet there are enough intriguing allusions to the movie to make it fun, charming and surprisingly eerie. It wouldn't be worth a carrot without the movie license attached. Apply a liberal dollop of imagination, play by candlelight under a full moon, wearing your mother's wedding dress and you might just enjoy it. It worked for me.

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Hydra and seek

An abundance of glowing praise was heaped upon Gods from day one, though over the years a more dichotomous spread of opinion appears to have emerged, slathering it in Marmitey confusion. Gods no doubt nails the desired emblematic Greek mythological ambience through its masterfully illustrated environments and sprites, and certainly has fans and detractors alike nodding along to its physiologically unforgettable 'Into the Wonderful' intro screen track. That title is a literal statement of fact. Where the delirious dream rips apart at the seams begins with the sluggish, unresponsive controls, plodding pace and insane difficulty curve. If you can manage to tame the lumbering beast despite these incumbrances it's absolutely fantastic... and you're likely a pro-gamer with a gleaming trophy cabinet to prove it.

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Give me Mr Fuji and paper mache

Leander is one of the many convincing retorts to critics who claim the Amiga never hosted a decent platformer. This one is exceptional for its responsive controls, wondrously atmospheric aesthetics and audio, endearing in-game cameos featuring other Psygnosis characters and its accomplished emulation of Japanese console-style fantasy-action games. Being a human knight, Leander's locomotion is accordingly more natural, unhurried and methodical than say, an anthropomorphic hyperactive supergiraffe, making it more akin to something like Gods. Set in ye olde mystical worlde of yesteryear when dragons ruled the skies and magicians were demi-gods, the environments, our attire, weaponry, transport and enemies are appropriately low-tech, which is far from a complaint. That's the theme, and it resonates loud enough to drown out all the feeble efforts that gave the Amiga a bad reputation.

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We need to talk about Kevin

In Manley & Associates' puzzle-platformer Home Alone game of the movie, we star as Kevin McAllister who is allocated just one hour to rig his house with traps to thwart two approaching burglars, Harry and Marv. Once our preparation time expires they enter the house obliging us to flee between rooms to avert capture. As they do so, our deviously placed traps are triggered, causing them 5 points of damage per piece. Additional injury can be dealt with the first BB gunshot fired. Should they absorb an accumulated 50 points worth of damage they become ex-burglars, awarding victory to Kevin.

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Not my body, I need that! It's got my arms and legs attached!


With their platform-gaming translation of The Incredible Crash Dummies, Gray Matter taught us the benefits of not being run over by traffic, buckling up when in the car... and how to waddle along on a decapitated torso should we come a cropper and lose both of our legs. All useful life lessons.
Further novelty comes in the form of our dummy's unique health status system. Succumbing to each penalty hit results in the loss of a limb, and once we lose them all, we're a dead dummy. See, quadriplegia is funny after all if it's depicted in a game! Limb loss doesn't have to be catastrophic if we can maintain the existence of at least one, since collecting screwdrivers will regenerate them an appendage at a time.

In a separate article, I cover the curious case of the missing lawn bowling sign with regards to one of The Incredible Crash Dummies game ports.

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Wednesday, 22 July 2020

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Sugar, ah honey honey, you are my candy girl

A fair few Amiga platformer games are criticised for placing heavy emphasis on collecting randomly scattered, gaudy sweat treat clutter from already congested environments. Gremlin's Zool is the no. 1 example that immediately springs to mind. Curious then that Brain Bug's Lollypop seems to have been born out of the desire to laugh in the face of this sensible warning to prospective developers. To be fair it's not quite as extreme a specimen as Zool. No, what's striking about Lollypop is the smorgasbord of confection craved by the sweet-toothed living doll protagonist. I'd provide a rundown, except you know how it is with word limits. When she's not pausing to wrap her plastic chops around candy, Lollipop is preoccupied with shooting it out as a deadly projectile.

That aside, Lollipop is an exquisitely illustrated/animated work of pixel art, featuring unfeasibly monstrous end of level bosses, and even a quirky Game and Watch style bonus game. An excellent representative of the genre I can only imagine failed due to the late year of publication (1994), and the cutesy female protagonist who I'd imagine most adolescent boys would struggle to identify with. They were the bulk of the potential audience at the time, remember.

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Man who catch fly with chopstick, accomplish anything

If you've ever wondered how Prince of Persia would handle as a karate grandmaster, wonder no more. Jordan Mechner's earlier foray into silky-smooth, rotoscoped animation, Karateka, should offer a few pertinent clues. You might like to fill in any gaps in your knowledge by reading my retrospective review detailing its origin story, play mechanics and plot.

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The Amiga is good for your mental health

I investigate the mental health benefits of revelling in nostalgia, justifying round-the-clock Amiga game marathons, neglecting everything and everyone else in your life. If anyone is in need of a personal life-coach don't hesitate to give me a call.

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The preloved Christmas Schnauzendar

Still chomping at the bit for more Christmas-themed Amiga quiz delicacies? You've come to the right place. This one is centred around guessing the name of Amiga game developers rather than their creations. Each clue encapsulated within a given montage should trigger associations with the developer's gaming back-catalogue or other details synonymous with them, hopefully leading you to that delirious lightbulb moment you normally have to cure cancer to experience.

Answers can be found tucked away behind the windows of my schnauzer Christmas calendar at adventmyfriend.com

Just because. OK.

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Christmas quiz re-gifting

Don't you hate it when there's nothing Amiga related on't telly box at Christmas? Ta-da! Behold my 'name the Xmasy Amiga game screenshot quiz'. Simpler the premise could not be. In each collage, I present a small, obscure segment of a screen capture from several wintery-themed Amiga games, and all you have to do is guess the name of the games. I know! It's better than Quality Street and Baileys. Together.

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You're not the game you think you are

Upcoming party and no idea what to do for entertainment? Allow me to present my 'name the Amiga game screenshot quiz'! Try and tell me that's not rock and/or roll.

Your task, should you be geeky enough to attempt it, is to try not to be blind-sided by the recognisable sprite cameos (or other graphical homages) seen in the screenshots and name the actual game in which they appear.

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Jumpers for goalposts

Reviews of Sensible Soccer's Cannon Fodder have never been so much fun! I analyse the life out of the masterpiece, spinning off into two separate articles. One covering the origins of the 'Boot Hill' graveyard scene, and another that dissects the overinflated controversy concerning a certain red flower used as a charity organisation emblem by the British Legion.

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Game Assets that Weren't

Games, much like movies have 'cutting room floors' where discarded audio, visuals or narrative ends up, never intended to be seen by the public. Often these remnants are captured within the data without actually being called at any point by the programme so are potentially open to being unearthed with a bit of code-digging. I explore some of the most interesting examples from my favourite gaming era; the '80s and '90s. Especially ones that revolve around the Amiga.

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Ghosts of gaming shops past

Remember the local game shops you used to scour for new releases with military precision as a child? I bet they've not been game shops for a very long time, many locals will have forgotten they ever were. Whilst premises change hands and brands over the years, sometimes their former lives come back to visit.

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The perfect venue for the next Commodore convention - Amiga Island!

There exists an 'Amiga Island'! Who knew? Well, except for the people who live there, and the ones who have visited on holiday. Oh and the tourist board. Also cartographers. Still, a hidden gem and no doubt named after the vintage computer we all know and love.

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Grab a seat. Enjoy the show. This is history.

Ten years on from the first Predator movie, the sequel's setting is dramatically shifted from the steamy Mexican jungle to LA suburbia. Arnie is nowhere to be seen so the future of humanity rests in the capable hands of disgruntled, veteran cop, Danny Glover. His normal routine revolving around nailing viciously unscrupulous Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels must be put on hold when the Predator, a technologically advanced alien hunter, puts in an appearance to terrorise the already underfire city.

Whilst nowhere near matching the success of the first movie, Predator 2 returned a moderate box office profit. Therefore was considered sufficiently popular to spawn an accompanying multi-format video game courtesy of Arc Developments. It's a cross-hair targeting shooter played in third-person mode given that we see our protagonist, Lieutenant Michael R. Harrigan, onscreen as a wireframe sprite. Whilst cleaning up the streets of LA en route to the Predator's ship we must sustain our armour by collecting top-ups and upgrade weaponry to improve our chances as the difficulty level escalates.

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A trip down Light Shock Lane

I take a nostalgic look back at the most significant output of the Italian games developer, Light Shock Software. Not only the titles that made it to retail and modern game databases, the ones that sadly fell by the wayside and remain largely incognito today.

To get the inside story I contacted as many of the former Light Shock staff as I could track down. What follows is their memories of the highs and lows of battling for chart position prominence, technical difficulties encountered, origin stories and conceptual evolution of each game, their response to critical reception, and what happened post-Light Shock following the company's dissolution.

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The sea will grow larger with our fall

For reasons that now escape me, I explain and review the most popular and ubiquitous puzzle game of all time. One that certainly needs no introduction or explanation, Lemmings. Who knows, maybe some aliens who have been living under a distant rock in a galaxy far away will find it interesting.

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Quiet please - gurus meditating

My verdict of the Caulfield's documentary, From Bedrooms To Billions - The Amiga Years, analysing the impact this influential system had on modern gaming and computers as we know them today.

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Tuesday, 21 July 2020

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All Bound for Mu Mu Land

One of the most polished, unreleased Games That Weren't for the Amiga is no doubt Microprose's Boo! An 80% finished tamely horror-themed platformer also destined to appear on the SEGA Mega Drive and SNES. We were to play as a deceased teenager who whiles away his haunted existence roaming the quarters of a vast mansion unleashing boo-based jump-scares to fend off assailants. At key points, it would have been possible to switch to other lead sprites borrowed from Universal Classic Monsters. Frankenstein, The Wolf Man and Dracula, for instance.

To glean further insight into the promising evolution of the title, including its wacky dairy-oriented plot, I contacted Boo!'s then-producer, Stuart Whyte, to find out if he'd be up for a Q&A session. He was, and even managed to source some VHS footage of the game in action, which is now on my YouTube channel for all to marvel at!

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If Poundland published Amiga games

One thing you can always guarantee in the world of gaming is that if a developer hits upon a winning formula, it will be xeroxed mercilessly until the star fades from the flimsy packaging and you can no longer tell which is the genuine article. On the commercial side, Impulze took their chances with an Edd the Duck-themed Rainbow Islands clone, while then-Nottingham University student, Alastair Murray, replicated the same game for the public domain market. Banana Islands is home to our anonymous, simian protagonist sprite who must exploit his banana projectiles to neutralise or trap enemies as he ascends each level in a race to outrun the rising 'hurry up' tsunami.

This YouTube script/video was followed up with a further analysis of the recognisable, popular music featured in Banana Islands since I was remiss to include this first time around. I've also attached the script for this.

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Amigo Scour - the ultimate Amiga magazine!

Obviously far superior to any of the individual Amiga magazines of the '80s and '90s, my handy scrapbook compendiums swipe the most intriguing news snippets from each, while investigating if anything ever came of the promises and often over-optimistic projections.

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Jules Rimet blaspheming

Soccer Kid isn't the only platform game in which you play as a footballer, wielding the football as a weapon. It is, however, the best of the tiny species. Enter plot stage space; aliens have descended, attempting to steal the precious World Cup. In their vast incompetence, they crashed whilst fleeing, causing the trophy to smash into smithereens... or at least enough pieces to place in each foreign country we visit for us to track down. Recovering them entails collecting 11 Player Cards per segment, while we are further rewarded for executing fancy footwork ball tricks.

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Close is a lingerie shop without a front window

Ocean Software's Lethal Weapon, whilst dropping the three, was published in conjunction with the second sequel, inspired by its themes and plot. We choose to play as Martin Riggs or Roger Murtaugh, though there's no simultaneous two-player option. Between the five levels, the LA cop buddies must infiltrate illegal drug facilities, apprehend suicidal terrorists, defuse a bomb in a busy shopping mall, sneak into an office complex to rescue hostage, Leo Getz, and finally, nab a dodgy former cop who has been making a bit of pocket money on the side by peddling armour-piercing bullets.

Mostly we play on foot, elsewhere swimming underwater surrounded by sharks! Without breaking any new ground in the weary genre, it's a solid enough 2D, scrolling, action-platformer with cute, endearing visuals and one of the most gormlessly-grinning, head-boppable title music compositions the Amiga has to offer. That's something to aspire to in case that wasn't clear.

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Kiss of death

Charley Brewster discovers he's living next door to a vampire in human disguise. What's he to do? One option is to draft in TV host, Peter Vincent, who formerly played a fictional vampire hunter in various horror movies. There's a chance he might know something about exorcism. Another alternative is to turn the tables, becoming the vampire, Jerry Dandrige, veering off at a tangent to engage in a spot of innocent-civilian-slaying in MicroDeal's accompanying game. Jerry's raison d'etre is to wander his creepy mansion tracking down walking, talking necks to chew on. They have human people attached and that's where the difficulty lies; they fight back, forcing Jerry to retreat to his coffin to regenerate his health. If he rises to resume blood-sucking too early he's vaporised by the sun's rays.

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